And it Makes Me Wonder...

A line from an old song I used to listen to in the early 70's. But no, this post is not about a song from the 70's or that lifestyle or anything kin to it. It just got me to thinking how true friends are. I am not talking about online friends, but those that you make throughout life. Albeit they come and go, but during that time you develop ties to a certain extent and something close to a feeling of loyalty. It is during those times phrases slip from your mouth like, "Let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you. We're friends, don't worry about it. What are friends for if they can't help?" Yes those little phrases that in the end you may regret saying. Seems after saying them it is kind of hard to turn them away when they come to you for help. So to maintain your standing with them and your pride you succumb and tell them, "Anything." I have fallen victim to that on many occasions. I say victim because in the end that is exactly what I felt like. It seems after you have given your help or honored their request, that friendship starts to wane, even after you hear, "I really appreciate this and if there is anything I can ever do for you, please just ask, I'll be mad if you don't." And then you smile thinking that just maybe this time this "friend" actually meant what they said. I have put that offer to the test many times with failing results. Seems when I asked I would get excuses. "I have plans.", the biggest one I have gotten, or rather the one most offered as an excuse. Or, "Man I wished I could, but right now is not a good time."

Most requests made of me or of the monetary type. And when I have helped "friends" out in this way all I ask of them is if ever I need anything, please be there for me. I never worry about it being paid back they way it was given to them, if I did, I don't think I would have given it to them to begin with. They were never loans, because you expect a loan to be paid back. All it was to me was helping someone through a difficult time and hoping that it would not become a habit with them.

I have done no less for family. And this is the part that hurts the most. Whereas you expect a "friend's" behavior to be a certain way, you never expect family to be that way at all. But I have learned the hard way that it is worse. Once you help them it seems afterwards they felt as if you owed it to them and they should not offer anything in return or they turn a deaf ear to you and just shine you on. I have never refused my family anything, brothers, sister or child. I made sure I have always been there for them. I helped my stepson get out of debt on his first marriage, paid for him adopting the girl's children that he married, paid for his relocation and put money in the bank for him so he could breathe a little easier. My daughter I have always taken care of without question and what I do for her I do as any father would do. And I will continue to do it, she is my legacy in life and I would never turn my back on her. My oldest brother from the time I started working in life I have helped uncountable times with the usual promises to paid back on pay day, but it always seemed something came up right before pay day that superseded his obligation to me, but there was always next pay day and he would catch up with me then, in the mean time holding his hand out asking for more. I am not rich, don't get me wrong, but I do not flagrantly throw my money away either. I am frugal with what I have saved. My next older brother acts as if just being my brother is enough reason he should not have to return the help I have given him and that in itself for being my brother some sort of tribute is owed to him. My youngest brother I see differently, we are the closest in age and we grew up together and we always had each others back in life. What I have given to him I gave out of my love for him. But yet even with him when I have asked for help there is always something holding him back. I cannot count the times my phone has rang and it would be one of my siblings needing some sort of help with something and always with that promise to be repaid and being the soft hearted gullible idiot I am, I give in and what is even sadder, I usually take it to them instead of them coming out to get it. I built my home in 2004, a very nice craftsman style home and not one of them has seen it to this day.

I do not put a price on my help even though my help usually involves writing a check. As I said all I have ever asked is that they be there for me when I need help. And it is returned with hollow promises that I have nothing to worry about, just call. Seems their appreciation goes just about as far as the check clearing my bank account.

I am fixing to make a major change in my life and there is a lot I have done in preparing to make that change, but there a lot of things I cannot do by myself and it requires help. I have called around to those "friends" and siblings asking for their help and all I have got is excuses as to why it is such a bad time or call me later when things aren't so hectic. I can understand we all have lives and we have priorities in life that we need to attend to first. I wonder if they thought about that when my phone rang or they sat across from me at my desk and asked me to help them out? If this was a good time to ask me or if it would put me in a bind? No, I don;t think that thought even crossed their mind. Soon I won't be around here, I will be gone and making a new life and a new beginning. I will cut those ties that have held me back for various reasons or another and do what I think is best for me. I think as long as I am around and accessible I will always be that "go to" person when they are needing something. Maybe this will make them think next time they feel their wallet and it needs replenishing. I just want them to remember one thing, I never asked back in return what I gave to them, but I never expected them to turn their backs on me either when I asked for their help.

Later...