Now I know that we all have either been caught in an act that we found a little embarrassing, well maybe more than a little or have caught someone in the act that left you both embarrassed and it seems that first one is the one you will always remember.
My parents had finished off their evening with a couple of drinks to "relax" as we are told by our parents so often as we grew up and as dad was exiting the living room and making his way down the hall he reminded us, "I don't want to hear any arguing, TV off by 11pm and in bed, don't let me have to come back and remind you." and with that he shut his bed room door behind him. This is where the sibling pecking order took place. My youngest brother made a diving leap for my dad's chair and said "Dibs.", he had marked his spot for the evening. I had been sitting on the end of the sofa when my next oldest brother decided that we wanted to stretch out on the sofa and basically demanded that I relinquish my spot so he could lay down. "Nah, I don't really feel like it, its comfortable here." I replied. "You didn't say dibs." he returned. Now any idiot knows in the rules of dibs that you do not have to claim a spot that you are already occupying, so I reminded him that he was an idiot. With that he sat at the opposite end on the sofa and little by little started sliding into a prone position staring at me the whole time with the stupid idiotic look only an older brother could display. After a few minutes I felt his toe just slightly touching me and I told him to move his foot and he said that three quarters of the sofa was his and if I did not like him touching me I could move. "Screw you." I said to him at the same time giving him the universal symbol for it. So on it went for an hour, with him changing positions often to either hold his face inches from mine staring at me or by almost touching me with his finger, close enough to be irritating, but not breaching that invisible boundary as to which part of the sofa was mine. When he wanted to be an irritating pain in the ass, my older brother was quite adept at it. After about an hour of his juvenile display I got tired of it and decided that if he was going to ruin the movie for me I was going to do likewise, but in order to do so I would have to take my younger brother down too. I looked over at him and said, "Damn I am tired, I guess it is time we went to bed." "You go and I get the sofa." he answered. "Wanna make a bet on that?" I said smiling and off down the hall I went.
Stopping in front of my parent's bed room door I heard sounds coming from inside and I hesitated for a moment before putting my hand on the door knob, I know that I should have knocked and announced myself, but this was my parent's room what could possibly be going on besides sleep. Well I soon found out, as I opened the door I believe I caught my parents in a some what of a compromising position, I did not realize that they had a contortionist act that they practiced for after they went to bed and I further assumed they were naked because the clothes wouldn't get tangled up in these various positions they were trying. But I knew that this isn't something that a dad teaches his son, but then again I never realized that they posed for the Kama Sutra either. At that point in my life I did not know what I found more terrifying, what my eyes were glued to at that moment or the horror movie on TV, I decided quickly that the horror movie definitely ranked second to this. I do not know if it was the stream of light coming from the hall and lighting them up like a spotlight on a stage or if it was the sickening groan that came from me, either way the next thing I heard and saw was my dad yelling at me while he threw his house shoe, "Don't you know how to knock?" At which point I quickly closed the door and walked back into the living room. "Dad wants to talk to you." I informed my older brother.
Another time I can remember was when I was with my best friend in junior high. We had decided to go to this in town lake and do some swimming at night off the pier and to see who else would show up through out the course of the evening. I guess we had been there for over two hours diving off the pier and swimming around the pilings when we noticed a group of cars at the far end of the small lake. I looked over at him and he said, "You see all those guys standing in line at that one car?" "Yeah, why? Just some girl they got drunk and high and she a little friendly tonight." I replied thinking about who it might be. "Wanna go over?" he asked and without replying I jumped off the pier and started towards the line in a little quicker pace than he did. I got there right before him and two more had filed in behind me before he had his place in the line and one by one they would enter the back of the car and exit a few moments later with sweat on their foreheads and a smile on their face. When my turn finally came, I too mimicked the ones before me and climbed into the back seat of the 1957 Chevy Belaire. Well I came out about as fast as I went in with my friend saying, You finished already? Didn't take you very long." "I don't really feel like it to tonight." I returned, my back to him as I was walking off. "You are a wimp Wood." he yelled out and then asked, "Who is it?" "Your sister." I replied still walking away from him. "Yeah, my sister, your momma." He yelled laughing at me. I sat down on a park bench and waited, watching silently as the two in front of him finished their business and then watched him with his pants and underwear around his ankles crawl into the back of the car. I smiled. I don't think he was in there under two seconds when he came flying out of the back seat, his pants still around his ankles but looking a lot less excited than before he went in, he was spinning around and looking from side to side as if he was wanting to find someone to take his anger out on, it didn't take him very long until he spotted me sitting at the picnic table smiling. He ran over to me screaming so loud I couldn't understand a word he was saying, his eyes were bulging and he was spitting when he talked, oh he looked a sight with his pants still around his ankles. "Why didn't you tell me that was my sister asshole?" he screamed at me. "Uh, I believe I did when you asked me who it was. You ready to go home now?"
In the small Texas town on the Texas Oklahoma border is where I spent my more informative years, those delicate days of discovery, but in order to experience it, it required that parents be sleeping as you would sneak into a girls window for a little amorous fun. But this required stealth, planning and timing in order to make it work out to ones advantage and the first phase is sneaking out of the house after the city's mandatory age curfew without the knowledge of your parents and living in a house that was over 150 years old you had to know where each and every creaking floor board was at, which banister rail was shaky and when exactly your parents were sound asleep. We lived in a two story house with my parent's bed room downstairs and the stairs and front door next to their bed room door, so it was a tricky maneuver to escape after dark and rendezvous with the object of your desire. Now this caught in the act is two fold and I do not know which embarrassed me the most.
One of my friends was spending the night and earlier that day we had been talking to a couple of girls that lived down the street from each other and talked them into seeing us later that night after curfew. When the appointed time had arrived to jettison ourselves from my bed room, we had decided on using the antenna mast that was outside my rear bed room window and shimmy down it. Sounded good, sounded like a plan and so down we started with him reaching the ground before me. As I started going down the pole I had thought I heard something tapping on a window and I looked up thinking maybe it was my younger brother who may have woke up and wanting to tag along with us, but there was no stupid face grinning looking down at me when I looked up and then there was that tapping again. So I looked at the window directly in front of me only to see my father's face looking with a very disenchanted grimace and I knew the thumbs up he was giving didn't mean do it for the Gipper, rather "get your ass back up that pole and get to bed." Well going a thin galvanized pole is never as easy going down it and slowly I made it back up. Once back in the window I looked down at my friend, "I'll wait for you in the back yard." he whispered. Eventually my dad finally fell back to sleep and down the pole I shimmied again and once hitting the ground I broke out in run to where my friend was waiting for me.
Soon we were winding our way through the maze of alleys, streets void of lighting and skirting along the trees that lined them letting the shadows conceal us as we made our way across town. This too turned out to be an adventure, as we were going along my friend grabbed my arm, "Wood hold on a second." "What is it?" I asked stopping. "Look over there at that open window dude. Their doing it." he whispered, pointing off in the direction his attention was glued to. Sure enough as looked there they were in plain sight, lights on, window open with her riding him like one of those little plastic ponies at the supermarket entrance. Our eyes were glued to the scene and they seemed oblivious to the fact that they had a two person audience taking mental notes. "Damn Wood, look at those knockers on her would you." was my friends first comment. "Be quiet dummy before they hear us." I whispered. That went through one ear and out the other if it even registered at all because the next thing I heard was, "Damn! Crap Wood we need to get closer." and with that they both stopped and looked out the window, then she grabbed the pillow and placed it front of her as he in all of his glory stood up in the middle of the bed screaming and yelling expletives at us that would have made any sailor worth his salt take notes. "Great going idiot, as if hiding behind their bushes in their front yard wasn't close enough. Any closer we would have been in bed with them." I said over my shoulder running down the street.
Next stop was our destination, the mapped out end of our journey and the house was in sight. Anticipation was now the driving force as we made our way across the lawns, eventually arriving to "the window". Tap, tap, tap...waiting, heart beating like a race horse after a long race, palms sweaty and holding our breath. Tap, tap, tap...again waiting. Finally the curtains part, the shade rises and the window is raised, "If you were expecting _ _ _ _ _ _, she is in her mother's room sleeping and you have 5 minutes to clear the yard before I call the police." Busted! We left faster than a shadow in the dark.
On the way home I got to thinking, why not? The night ended the way it started, caught in the act.
Later...
Soon we were winding our way through the maze of alleys, streets void of lighting and skirting along the trees that lined them letting the shadows conceal us as we made our way across town. This too turned out to be an adventure, as we were going along my friend grabbed my arm, "Wood hold on a second." "What is it?" I asked stopping. "Look over there at that open window dude. Their doing it." he whispered, pointing off in the direction his attention was glued to. Sure enough as looked there they were in plain sight, lights on, window open with her riding him like one of those little plastic ponies at the supermarket entrance. Our eyes were glued to the scene and they seemed oblivious to the fact that they had a two person audience taking mental notes. "Damn Wood, look at those knockers on her would you." was my friends first comment. "Be quiet dummy before they hear us." I whispered. That went through one ear and out the other if it even registered at all because the next thing I heard was, "Damn! Crap Wood we need to get closer." and with that they both stopped and looked out the window, then she grabbed the pillow and placed it front of her as he in all of his glory stood up in the middle of the bed screaming and yelling expletives at us that would have made any sailor worth his salt take notes. "Great going idiot, as if hiding behind their bushes in their front yard wasn't close enough. Any closer we would have been in bed with them." I said over my shoulder running down the street.
Next stop was our destination, the mapped out end of our journey and the house was in sight. Anticipation was now the driving force as we made our way across the lawns, eventually arriving to "the window". Tap, tap, tap...waiting, heart beating like a race horse after a long race, palms sweaty and holding our breath. Tap, tap, tap...again waiting. Finally the curtains part, the shade rises and the window is raised, "If you were expecting _ _ _ _ _ _, she is in her mother's room sleeping and you have 5 minutes to clear the yard before I call the police." Busted! We left faster than a shadow in the dark.
On the way home I got to thinking, why not? The night ended the way it started, caught in the act.
Later...
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