I was going through old papers in my files, cleaning them out and came across some things I had forgotten all about. Before I would express what I was thinking in blogs I would write them down on paper, index cards and napkins, shove them in a file someplace and forget about them. I don't know what possessed me to want to clean them out today and it amazed me to see so much I had forgotten about and further amazes me to think I kept a lot of it. Here is one I came across and would like to share.
Voices November 1994
As I walk alone in silence I notice the trees laid bare by the season's rapid change. And in the quiet stillness I can hear the voices of memories past reminding me how much I miss the companionship and guidance I depended so much on. What path have I taken in life that has led to this desolate time of my existence? I can hear the voice so clear and it beckons me to join it. What is it I hear? I have listened to it so many times in the past in the guise of friendship, only to to be left to stand alone when the tides of doubt lap at the ever changing sands at my feet. I reach out to grasp the hand given in friendship , only to find the shadow left behind by the voice I trusted.
As I see the trees in their nakedness, I am reminded of how vulnerable I am. For like the trees that shed their leaves and have faith in the seasons for their renewal, I also shed my doubts and mistrust and listen to the voice that calls me to believe in it and its unwavering steadfastness, then to find that the change it offered, the comfort it promised was only a false vision of hope that left me standing alone.
I am like any man, I seek those with whom I can relate to, those who I can confide and trust in and still I listen to the voice, it seems to always say the same things, to trust it and it will always be there when I need it. But yet again the seeds of deceit have produced their poisoned fruit and again darkness and solitude are all that surround me. Where is this voice now?
I claim to be nothing more than who I am and give of myself all that I can. Why is it that I, like the trees, trust in life's inevitable change in hopes of a new beginning but unlike the new cloak of foliage that envelopes the naked tree, I am still standing, listening for the voice, waiting, hoping that I won't be misled by the next voice that beckons me to believe.
Later...
1 comment:
1994?
I think back and recall what I was doing then but that's another story!
The tree's have reason to 'hope' that their new green cloaks will be given them in March. The season of Spring usually falls upon us in the northern hemisphere at this time and it is a reasonable hope because we have previous seasons of the same thing and we witness the pattern, the cycle.
We, unfortunately, have no repeating patterns of time, at least none that we may predict. Imagine if I could pencil in my diary these three months will be a low time and the next three will be a high time. Maybe me thinking it would be could help to make it so. Would I hibernate during the low time to lessen the impact or endure its cold torment to make more and appreciate more of the high time predicted after it.
You say...
"I also shed my doubts and mistrust and listen to the voice that calls me to believe in it and its unwavering steadfastness, then to find that the change it offered, the comfort it promised was only a false vision of hope that left me standing alone."
That voice is not a promise that during March you too will grow and shake of the slumber of winter. It is not the voice of prediction but the voice of hope.
So much greatness has been achieved by tired men, discouraged men, but men who kept trying and kept working and kept hope within their hearts. When we love we risk not being loved back. To hope is also to risk great pain. To attempt is to risk failing. But the greatest failing of any of us is not to try, not to hope and not to love.
You have lived through dark days and still you breathe. You have cried many tears but still offer me a smile.
Take courage Ron Wood and carry your smile forward into tomorrow.
People are not born negative and not born positive, this is something we ourselves choose.
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