Ain't It Funny How Time Slips Away

Been a while since I posted anything and thought I should at least make an attempt at something. My tooth has been bothering me lately and it makes it hard to concentrate on anything for any amount of time before the pain diverts my attention, but I have had a few moments when through my clouded thoughts I could focus and have a few moments to slip back to another time and place.

I was listening to the radio the other evening, not anything in particular, mainly just trying to drown out the overwhelming silence that seemed so deafening for some reason. Maybe it was nothing more than my toothache or the pain medications that seemed to amplify the silence that had settled in around me, but a song came on that my father liked a lot and as I listened to it I was reminded how fleeting time is. There is a line in the chorus, "And ain't it funny how time slips away." and I started dwelling on that particular line as I reflected on yesterday.

So much comes into our lives and much passes on through. Some leave thoughts for tomorrow and others forgotten no sooner than they are gone. It could be seen as milestones through out our lives to mark passage or highlight an event we have experienced, either way it did something or left an indelible impression on us for some reason that will always be with us. So I let myself go and gave into those memories as they passed through my thoughts.

Big plans in life when I was old enough to start thinking about my future and how I saw myself in it then. From a life in a commune, a guitarist, an architect to a self made man not having a worry and doing as I pleased. I never saw myself as a husband and a father or being where I am at in life right now. I never imagined I would be a grandfather or that I would be alone at this point in my life. No never did I ever imagine it at all. Now a Caribbean island laying in a chaise lounge under an umbrella on a beach with a tall cold drink in my hand I could imagine and I can still imagine that to this day. But it seems that no matter how we see ourselves tomorrow we rarely see it come to us. We can Rembrant it and paint us in that picture we see, but like a picture we hang on the wall we mainly just end up imagining that one day this is how our life will be painted. We step back and admire it and tell ourselves "Someday" but rarely if at all do we find that day.

I envy those who have found that day, that those dreams they had when they were younger came to fruition. I am not jealous because what I have now nothing could ever replace that, a beautiful daughter and three grandsons and memories of the one that made that happen. But yet I wonder what it would have been like if I had done something different, would it have still taken me to where I am at today? Would fate had set me on a different path?

I thought of all those dreams I had yesterday and how I always told myself there was always tomorrow to start making them happen. Seems though that as the old saying goes, "tomorrow never comes." there is only today and yesterday. Nothing I can do about yesterday as it has already come and gone and as tomorrow never comes I only have today to work with as I have always had before and as before I always told myself there is always tomorrow. Lazy? Maybe that could be it, ambivelent could be an excuse, but I think it more of wondering if I could do it at all and be successful at it. Could be that I think about it too much, like that first dip in the pool, instead of just diving in I just think how cold it could be, the shock to my body and then wonder if it would be easier to just ease myself in. Place a foot in, acclimate it and then slowly emmerse myself until I have accustomed myself to the change. Much like life and how we go through it. Hardly do we ever just dive right into something in life, too many varibles or possiblilities that something could go wrong, no we ease ourselves into it until we have acclimated ourselves to the situation. A chance to always pull our foot out until we have completely commited oursleves to something new, something we are not accustomed to. We, or at least I tell myself there is always tomorrow.

So much comes to us in life, much just passes through like a breeze through the leaves and is gone. Always tomorrow to begin those dreams if only there was a tomorrow.

Later...

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