Stuff

Nothing comes to mind and I wonder now why I am even trying to post something. I spoke with someone I have not talked to in a while yesterday, it was good to hear from them again and I found how much I have missed talking with them. It was more of a cordial "how are you?" and "I don't see you online very much." sort of thing, but none the less it was very good to hear from them again. I had found myself wondering about them and how they were getting along. I was relieved to see that they were doing well. I hope that it is not the last time for a another long spell before we talk again.

Not much going on in my life for now. I do not logon to the chats any longer nor do I do a lot of messaging. Guess I am weaning myself from the past or the hold it had on me before. Or rather the hold I let it get on me. I do not find myself missing it though, I do find myself missing people I have met on here and talking with them. A lot of what I do now is through offline messages, one in particular I have been talking with for sometime now. For some reason they went to Toronto to learn Cantonese and soon will return to China. There are others that I speak with when I come to check my email and messages. One is a very sweet person and we seem to be able to talk about a lot of things without me offending them, (amazing, isn't it?) but we manage to be open enough about things in our life and our expectations.

Ah, expectations, I have few, seems the older I get the less I expect out of life or out os someone in my life. Self disappointment has a lot to do with it, making wrong decisions, not being as open about myself as I should have been when it was important to do so, not being truthful with those that mattered and hiding myself from those who wanted to see the real me. My own downfall or as it is said, I kicked my own chair out from under me. Something I am learning to live with. One of my dad's favorite sayings in life was, "You have made your own bed, now lie in it." I never really understood what he meant back then, but its meaning has become crystal clear to me now.

Such is life and such is my life, learning to live with what I have done and wishing at times I had done it different. But I guess we all wish that at some point in our lives. So many cliche's come to mind now when I think of yesterday, maybe my life is a cliche', it would not surprise me one bit if it were. Anyway, I will close this and find something else to occupy my mind because I have found nothing on here that seems to fill that void I have been feeling.

Later...

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