Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Time and Time Again
I hope I remember how to do this...it has been a long time since I have posted anything my words are a bit rusty. So bear with me as I try and muddle through this thing and hopefully we will come through this unscathed.
Yes as I said it has been a while and a lot of water has passed under the bridge so to say and a few bridges were burnt due to not crossing them any longer, but be that as it may, burnt bridges were never meant to cross again and I don't swim so I will just stand on the bank and watch the remnants float by.
I hope to make it back now a bit more often and see if I can get my brain lubricated enough to grind out a few intelligible words worthy of the few that just happen to stumble upon this page...
Peace be with you...
Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
The End of My Journey is Near...
I have written a lot in the past about life's journey and the paths we choose to walk by choice, about fate and destiny, did I know what I was talking about? Concerning myself, yes I was, for another, most likely no. We can only talk of what we have done, the choices we have made over the years and the path we chose to walk. I have made many choices and my paths have changed many times and with each choice I made it took me in a whole different direction, some more appeasing than others. I have met many on here, far more than one would in life. Some have enhanced my life while others were a pall on my life. Those who have enhanced it I will always cherish and hold close, for those who seem to want to castigate me, screw them. They were a waste to begin with and best forgotten.
Now to the "meat" of this post. This past December I had noticed that I had been losing weight, not just a little weight, but shedding pounds like a bilge pump trying to save a sinking ship, so I made an appointment with the doctor to try and find out what was the cause of this unplanned shedding of flesh. I had lost 60 pounds in as many days and my pants were literally falling off of me. My doctor put me through the entire scope of tests. First was the normal xrays, I had to go twice, they found something on my left lung. This concerned the doctor so I was scheduled for a CAT scan and the found a 3mm spot on both lungs and one on my liver measuring the same. The oncologist said there wasn't much need for concern, but wanted a closer look at it, so I was scheduled for a MRI, which fortified his diagnosis that yes, there was something there, but let's take a look at it in another year and see how much or if it has grown. This was not the answer my primary physician wanted to hear, so I was scheduled for a full G.I., endoscope testing, colonoscopy and a very nasty looking probe going where no one has been permitted before. Result still was not what would cause me to lose so much weight. A 5mm ulcer in my stomach, mucus lining gone in a large area, a herniated esophagus and a small mass where your intestines connect to the stomach or the duodenum. Still not what the doctor was looking for, but at least my fears for some terminal cancer dissipated and I thought it was probably just stress, until I realized I live a pretty stress free life. On the 5th of this month I went back to my doctor still confused and wanting an answer. Finally there was one last physical test they could perform before they term it psychological and send you off to get probed in a completely different aspect, it was an EKG. The technician performing the EKG connected his leads to the adhesive posts on my chest, down my left side and my upper left shoulder. He instructed me to breathe normally, no talking or moving. Then he asked, "Are you having any chest pain?", I answered no I didn't. He stopped the test and left the room and me sitting there wondering what his concern was. Soon he reappeared with my doctor who instructed him to run it again. Results were the same. She asked him to leave and sat down in a chair across the room. It was then, with the quietness I started worrying, this is not good news. I was informed that the anterior muscles were not getting enough blood and one section was getting even less. The results of the EKG looked as if I was experiencing a heart attack at that time. But I felt perfectly normal, I was assured I wasn't. My doctor called in a cardiac specialist and made an appointment for me for 03/10/15, 11a.m..This past Friday the cardiologist's office called to confirm and left me with the following instructions, no driving, no walking, except to the restroom, no lifting, not physical work of any kind and stop taking all prescribed and over the counter medications, stay calm and they would see me on the 10th. So much for no stress.
I guess it is time to pay the piper for all I have done in the past, is this Karma or is it fate or was it my destiny all along? Three good questions that I can't answer, but an outcome I will accept. Whether it is due to my past and tenfold is now due or if it is just the normal course I was deigned to walk, I will accept. Do I regret? No. Am I afraid? Yes, who wouldn't be? I will accept it though and deal with it as it comes.
Everyone who knows me, knows I never say goodbye for any reason, goodbye to me is a finality to a situation or to another, that is why I end everything with "Later" rather than goodbye. Will I say goodbye? No I won't. I believe once someone enters your mortal life, you will meet again in your next life, so I say Later.
I blame no one but myself and the choices I have made that has put me where I am now, but even now, knowing this, I would not change a thing I have done or been through. If I did, I wouldn't be who I am today, loved by some and hated by others, but who I am I would never change. I have been blessed and cursed, hurt and healed, lost and found, picked up and discarded, praised and disrespected, but I am who I am and I will always be me.
There is no one I want to say goodbye to, there are those I will say Later to and I feel they each know who they are. Those who have left such an impression on me I could never forget and will always be dear to me. They will always be a part of me and who I am at this moment. To those I hurt and failed to realize it, it was never intentional, to those I hurt for a reason, I offer no apology, for they were out to hurt me. For my transgressors, forgiveness is given, for those I have transgressed on, I ask for your forgiveness and humbly accept my due for it.
Will I miss anything or anyone I leave behind? My grandsons I will miss, but will be waiting on until we are reunited on another plane in life.
Later...
Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.
Now to the "meat" of this post. This past December I had noticed that I had been losing weight, not just a little weight, but shedding pounds like a bilge pump trying to save a sinking ship, so I made an appointment with the doctor to try and find out what was the cause of this unplanned shedding of flesh. I had lost 60 pounds in as many days and my pants were literally falling off of me. My doctor put me through the entire scope of tests. First was the normal xrays, I had to go twice, they found something on my left lung. This concerned the doctor so I was scheduled for a CAT scan and the found a 3mm spot on both lungs and one on my liver measuring the same. The oncologist said there wasn't much need for concern, but wanted a closer look at it, so I was scheduled for a MRI, which fortified his diagnosis that yes, there was something there, but let's take a look at it in another year and see how much or if it has grown. This was not the answer my primary physician wanted to hear, so I was scheduled for a full G.I., endoscope testing, colonoscopy and a very nasty looking probe going where no one has been permitted before. Result still was not what would cause me to lose so much weight. A 5mm ulcer in my stomach, mucus lining gone in a large area, a herniated esophagus and a small mass where your intestines connect to the stomach or the duodenum. Still not what the doctor was looking for, but at least my fears for some terminal cancer dissipated and I thought it was probably just stress, until I realized I live a pretty stress free life. On the 5th of this month I went back to my doctor still confused and wanting an answer. Finally there was one last physical test they could perform before they term it psychological and send you off to get probed in a completely different aspect, it was an EKG. The technician performing the EKG connected his leads to the adhesive posts on my chest, down my left side and my upper left shoulder. He instructed me to breathe normally, no talking or moving. Then he asked, "Are you having any chest pain?", I answered no I didn't. He stopped the test and left the room and me sitting there wondering what his concern was. Soon he reappeared with my doctor who instructed him to run it again. Results were the same. She asked him to leave and sat down in a chair across the room. It was then, with the quietness I started worrying, this is not good news. I was informed that the anterior muscles were not getting enough blood and one section was getting even less. The results of the EKG looked as if I was experiencing a heart attack at that time. But I felt perfectly normal, I was assured I wasn't. My doctor called in a cardiac specialist and made an appointment for me for 03/10/15, 11a.m..This past Friday the cardiologist's office called to confirm and left me with the following instructions, no driving, no walking, except to the restroom, no lifting, not physical work of any kind and stop taking all prescribed and over the counter medications, stay calm and they would see me on the 10th. So much for no stress.
I guess it is time to pay the piper for all I have done in the past, is this Karma or is it fate or was it my destiny all along? Three good questions that I can't answer, but an outcome I will accept. Whether it is due to my past and tenfold is now due or if it is just the normal course I was deigned to walk, I will accept. Do I regret? No. Am I afraid? Yes, who wouldn't be? I will accept it though and deal with it as it comes.
Everyone who knows me, knows I never say goodbye for any reason, goodbye to me is a finality to a situation or to another, that is why I end everything with "Later" rather than goodbye. Will I say goodbye? No I won't. I believe once someone enters your mortal life, you will meet again in your next life, so I say Later.
I blame no one but myself and the choices I have made that has put me where I am now, but even now, knowing this, I would not change a thing I have done or been through. If I did, I wouldn't be who I am today, loved by some and hated by others, but who I am I would never change. I have been blessed and cursed, hurt and healed, lost and found, picked up and discarded, praised and disrespected, but I am who I am and I will always be me.
There is no one I want to say goodbye to, there are those I will say Later to and I feel they each know who they are. Those who have left such an impression on me I could never forget and will always be dear to me. They will always be a part of me and who I am at this moment. To those I hurt and failed to realize it, it was never intentional, to those I hurt for a reason, I offer no apology, for they were out to hurt me. For my transgressors, forgiveness is given, for those I have transgressed on, I ask for your forgiveness and humbly accept my due for it.
Will I miss anything or anyone I leave behind? My grandsons I will miss, but will be waiting on until we are reunited on another plane in life.
Later...
Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Message to Momo
Have I been denied access to your blog?
Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.
Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Dusting Off
It has been a while since I last posted anything, and I don't really know if this will make it to post, but I will try. Please bear with me during this process. Just as anything else, things get a bit rusty when you do not utilize it on a regular basis. So pen in hand and ink well refilled I will try and string together as many relevant words into one cohesive thought. Please no bets, I would hate to see anyone lose money thinking I could do this and then flounder in the process. So here I go.
March 22, 2010 Terrell, Texas 12:10pm
Home burned down due to a gas explosion. Very little survived the fire, fortunately all my pictures over the years came out unscathed. Memories intact I pick myself up, dust my clothes off and I get on with life.
August 5, 2010 Terrell, Texas 04:09am
On the homeward journey of an early morning walk I was accosted by 4 men and at knife point was robbed, but not after they decided to assault me physically and then try and push a knife in the back of my head. Again, I picked myself up and dusted off the grime and got on with life.
Seems I am always picking myself up and dusting myself off to continue on. Not just with these two incidents, but for as long as I can remember. I remember the old adage, "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." I should have the strength of Atlas now as I feel I have the weight of the world on my shoulders at times. But none the less I trudge on thinking in my head things have to get better, but as with anything in life, we only see what we want. This thought has played on me for quite some time now and I guess to an extent I have only seen those things that have had a negative affect on me. I have failed to see all the good things I have been fortunate enough to have passed through my life. I fear though that I may have dusted those off as well in the process of getting up and getting on. There are a few things however that have remanined with me.
April 4, 2011 Terrell, Texas
I received a happy birthday wish from someone who I thought had so much going in their life to even remember my birthday. But yet they took the time to remember. Even though we have never met they thought enough to make that effort and take the time to send me their wishes. Of all the wishes I got that day, that one wish from Japan meant more to me than anything I had received. Something between a daughter and a woman. Still with me and I hope will remain with me. I miss them very much.
Flowers among thorns. I now know what that means, for I have encountered these flowers encased, surrounded by life's thorns they have pushed through.
Later...
Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.
March 22, 2010 Terrell, Texas 12:10pm
Home burned down due to a gas explosion. Very little survived the fire, fortunately all my pictures over the years came out unscathed. Memories intact I pick myself up, dust my clothes off and I get on with life.
August 5, 2010 Terrell, Texas 04:09am
On the homeward journey of an early morning walk I was accosted by 4 men and at knife point was robbed, but not after they decided to assault me physically and then try and push a knife in the back of my head. Again, I picked myself up and dusted off the grime and got on with life.
Seems I am always picking myself up and dusting myself off to continue on. Not just with these two incidents, but for as long as I can remember. I remember the old adage, "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." I should have the strength of Atlas now as I feel I have the weight of the world on my shoulders at times. But none the less I trudge on thinking in my head things have to get better, but as with anything in life, we only see what we want. This thought has played on me for quite some time now and I guess to an extent I have only seen those things that have had a negative affect on me. I have failed to see all the good things I have been fortunate enough to have passed through my life. I fear though that I may have dusted those off as well in the process of getting up and getting on. There are a few things however that have remanined with me.
April 4, 2011 Terrell, Texas
I received a happy birthday wish from someone who I thought had so much going in their life to even remember my birthday. But yet they took the time to remember. Even though we have never met they thought enough to make that effort and take the time to send me their wishes. Of all the wishes I got that day, that one wish from Japan meant more to me than anything I had received. Something between a daughter and a woman. Still with me and I hope will remain with me. I miss them very much.
Flowers among thorns. I now know what that means, for I have encountered these flowers encased, surrounded by life's thorns they have pushed through.
Later...
Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Spring Time in Texas
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Texas Winter
Extremes in weather are common here..
The day before the storm...
It is home...you either love it or hate it...
Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.
Monday, January 3, 2011
2010 in Retrospect
I GUESS IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE
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