Out With the Old, In With the New...

Out with the old and in with the new or a year in retrospect. Dusting cob webs was never a priority with me and as I look back many are strung behind me and entangled in each are the testimonials to many broken dreams, broken resolutions and broken promises. But even looking back through the cob webs I can see the twinkle of a few bright moments and as I brush back the cob webs they come into focus.

They say there is a reason for every thing and every thing has a reason that happens to us in our life. Some good, some bad, some inert and some you will never fully understand why it happened. For the most part as I look back I can accept most that has happened to me in the past twelve months but it is those ones I cannot understand that will probably keep me wondering through out the next year. Be that as it may I know eventually I will either figure it out or forget about it. So let's review.

It was basically a pretty lazy and non productive year personally for me. I did not work much at all, fortunately I am in a position now that work has become and option for me and not a requirement. Maybe it should have been a requirement because I proved one thing, that an idle mind is the devils playground and I am not at all proud of things that I have done. All I can do is hope for those transgressions I am forgiven. To one especially who I hurt and wounded deeply I hope they can find it in their heart to get past what has happened and forgive me. They told me they cannot stay angry, but I feel that forgiveness has not come, but I am patient and I will wait. Maybe this year.

I found out how long nights were this past year, I have watched many roll by. I have come to hate sleeping now. I used to love the sunsets, I loved the colors as it painted the sky in red, vermilion and oranges, now I see it as an omen to a lonely night. I sit up night after night watching time slowly drag by not going to lay down until 3 or 4 in the morning. Exhaustion seems to help to fall asleep, at least it stops the thoughts in my head that would normally keep me awake. I realize they are guilt driven and I also realized it is something I am going to have to learn to live with. Maybe a resolution for the coming year I will be able to keep, you never can tell.

I learned many things about myself. Not because of me seeing myself, but seeing myself through others. I think that is the best way one can really see themselves. I have two people who I can thank for that, I won't mention their names, they know who they are. It was through them I saw many things about myself I was blind to or things I just refused to see. But it was though these two people that I was able to open my eyes and understand some things about me that I had not seen before. Through one I realized that my actions just didn't affect me, that many ripples were created and they touched many. I learned that when you love someone and when you hurt them, you hurt yourself. That there is more than one who loses in love and once lost it is never found again. The other taught me acceptance, how to accept myself for good or bad to accept it and get on with life. She taught me or rather she is teaching me to stop being so hard on myself, to stop feeling the guilt, this I am still trying to learn. She was the one there when I needed someone to talk to. She listened and she offered her words to me. I have no greater respect for anyone. It was through her I learned to "see" and before I say something understand what I am saying that what I say will have consequences. She has given me many gifts of wisdom and I will forever be in her debt.

My smile in Hong Kong, I cannot help but feel good when I talk with this one. Funny and very uplifting, but don't let that fool you. She is very intelligent and has a very deep understanding of life and people. She though is one to have as a friend in life, she truly cares and will stand beside you through it all. She has been a blessing in my life and I cannot say enough about how wonderful she is. Always supportive and worries if she hasn't heard from you in a while and will hunt you down just to make sure you are okay.

Ohio, what can I say. I have never laughed so much in my life. You bring tears to my eyes from laughing so hard and you help me forget many things. You came at the right time, I don't know how I would have ended this year laughing without you. Thank you for being there with your quick wit, quips and smile. You have helped me through some very rough times.

Jeremy Wade First born February 25, 2002










Coby Brennan Second to this trio September 11, 2003











Shelby Owen the third in this little group June 22, 2006








My grandsons, a source of happiness every day of every year and this past one has been no different. The antics they pulling keeps me smiling as do their constant whys, what for's and can I's their little minds can conjure up. From the naps they fail to take, because they have figured out you can only catch one at a time from them devising new ways to get a cookie or finding where I hid the candy. They have become masters of deception these three. Shelby, (aka Dinky) will keep your attention as the other two ransack all the drawers and cabinets to find all the hidden goodies then run off smiling once found to get his cut of the booty. Much they have learned over this past year. I just smile and think, team work in action. As I watch them grow though I can see in them three very loving and caring boys who may squabble every now and then, but will let nothing come between them.

Closing out this year and to make ready for the coming new year it is time I imagine to close a few doors behind me and put away a few things. Some I have found very hard to walk away from. But as I close this door I know that tomorrow will be bright and as I have been told, the sun will still rise. And as I embark on this new year it is with hope that I see tomorrow and for good things to come.

So to all I wish that have come and gone and to those that have come and stayed Happy New Year and may it bring you closer to the
ones you love and to ones that love you.

Later...

P.S. Yes..I know I was supposed to put up some pictures of the little guys..but just got lazy and didn't do it.