My Little Monkey...

 Three little monkeys jumping on the bed...
One fell off and bumped his head...
Took him to the doctor and the doctor said...
Don't let that monkey jump on the bed...

Two little monkeys jumping on the bed...
One fell off and bumped his head...
Took him to the doctor and the doctor said...
Don't let that money jumped on the bed...

One little monkey jumping on the bed...
She fell off and bumped her head...
Took her to the doctor and the doctor said...
Don't let that monkey jump on the bed...

"Ha ha ha! That last monkey is me, right dadee?" She laughed.

"Yes Monkey, the last one is you." I replied smiling looking down into her big dark eyes.

"I think you're silly dadee." Still laughing looking up at me.

"Yes dadee is silly. Silly over his Little Monkey." I answered reaching down to grab her hands and pull her up to me.

Holding her in my arms she rested her head on my shoulders, her arms wrapped around my neck. I kept silent as I enjoyed my Little Monkey in my arms. I waited patiently for her next prompt to what had become a tradition with her each time we had these little bonding moments together.

"Am I your favorite monkey dadee?" She would start with.

"Of course you're my favorite Monkey. We only have one banana tree, we can't afford another monkey. Where would we get bananas if we had another?" I replied knowing where it was leading.

"Monkeys just don't eat bananas dadee." She continued.

"They don't? What else do monkeys eat?" I asked smiling.

She pulled her head from my shoulder and placed her hands on my cheeks to hold my gaze on her. She looks in my eyes and is silent for a moment. "They eat chocolate and donuts and cake and ice cream and pudding and popcorn and lots of things."

"Oh? And where did you find this out that they ate al these things?" I quizzed her. 

"Because I'm a monkey dadee and I eat them. Remember? You see me eat them before." She replied smiling.

"I see. So if I gave you a banana now you wouldn't want it?" I asked, studying her expressions.

"No dadee I wouldn't eat it." She replied letting her gaze break from mine.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Well dadee, if I always eat bananas there won't be any left for Ate and Kuya, they like bananas too." She replied logically.

"Hmm, I see. And what is my Little Monkey hungry for now?" I asked knowing the answer was in her earlier menu of items monkeys eat.

"I think I should have a chocolate dadee and a cola." She answered smiling and bringing her eyes back to mine.

"And a cola?" I asked letting our noses touch.

"Yes, chocolate makes me thirsty." She reasoned with me or tried to justify her reason.

"Water won't work?" I asked her.

"Hmm. Should we ask momma if it is okay if you have a chocolate and a soda?" I continued asking her, knowing she already had this scripted out in her mind.

"No we should shouldn't ask her. She gets cranky when I ask too many questions and tells me to ask you. So I am asking you." She replied.

"So you have already asked her if you could have a chocolate and a cola?" I asked as she broke her eyes away from mine.

"No dadee I didn't ask. I already ask her too many questions today. It's best if I ask you because you love your Monkey and I know you not want me hungry." She answered me as she lowered her head to my shoulder wrapping her arms back around my neck. "And we can get mommy a chocolate too so she knows you didn't forget her."

"Should we let momma know we are going to the store to get you a chocolate and a cola?" I asked as I kissed her ear.

"Oh no dadee we shouldn't let her know that. She is napping and she will get angry if we wake her and then she will say no. We just go and bring mommy back a chocolate and she will smile and be happy." She continued her reasoning.

"So we make a secret from mamma?" I asked her.

"Yes dadee that is best, a secret. That way she won't be upset with you." She replied.

"Upset with me" Why would momma be upset with me? I am not the one eating the chocolate or drinking the cola." I informed her.

"Because you buy it for me. I don't have any pesos to buy chocolate and cola." She replied impatiently. "And if we don't go now mommy will wake up and cook moringana with coconut milk and tell me to eat if I'm hungry." Her little feet starting to dig into me as if she were trying to spur on a pony to move in the direction she wanted.

"How about we leave her a note and let her know so she won't worry if she wakes up early from her nap." I suggested.

"Nope. Mommy doesn't like notes, so we should go now and come home before she wakes up." She said while rocking her body trying to get me to to move towards the door.

I walked out the door still carrying her as we went out the gate and onto the street. I smiled and asked her, "Want to walk t the store?"

"No dadee, you know how to walk, I will ride." She answered wrapping her legs around my waist and locking herself into position.

"Oh it's so very hot today Monkey." I said as I walked to one side og the street trying to stay in the shade of the over hanging trees.

"Yes dadee, very hot. If mommy's chocolate starts melting I will eat it so it won't be messy for mom to eat." She assured me.

"Yes Monkey I am sure you will." I laughed squeezing her. "Dadee's Little Monkey uses her head very well I see."

Later...


Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

Forever and Always

A roller coaster to no where plummeting into an abyss of total darkness, sucking in light like a cosmic black hole with a gravitational pull that does not allow escape. To be trapped in a vacuous neither world, surreal akin to a Dante vision of a warped reality, I felt myself being predicated to a life both real and unreal. Sounds stretched like amusement park taffy drifting in and out of audibility wracked at my brain like fingernails being drawn across a chalkboard. My body convulsing in painful torment as I fought to gain control over my senses that seemed disconnected. Flashes of light firing off like sparks emitted from an electrical short, pulses of light like the flashing of a high intensity strobe paralyzing me momentarily until the next blinding pulse fires off. My feet moving in a forward motion, but going nowhere as I struggle to run trying to escape this limbo of nothingness I have fallen into. It is an emptiness I could feel, a nothingness with substance that held to me not allowing for escape. I'm here, but I'm not here, destined to be tormented by my own fears. Is this what I had created for myself, a place of self torment, trapped by my on design in a world I had seen only myself in? The loneliness I felt beat in my chest is like a heart starved of oxygen losing it's fight to sustain life it supports. My lungs filled with fear like a man drowning, sinking deeper into the unfathomable depths of darkness. I wanted to scream out, but to what to who? I struggle to make an utterance, but I had no voice. This vacuous place I was in quietens even my audible senses. I could hear what I wanted to say, but to say it was impossible.

My head bows and I can feel a tear rolling down my cheek. Is it my tear? Am I feeling remorse for something I had done or is it self pity overtaking me in this moment of my darkest despair? I can feel the darkness gripping me tighter like a constrictor suffocating it's prey before it devours it. I feel life slowly being squeezed out of me and I want to succumb to it, to end this unbearable pain. Another tear rolls down my cheek and again I wonder if it is my tear? Who else would cry for me if not myself? The sparks and pulses of light start to diminish, the sounds of nothingness seem to fade, but the darkness intensifies as I feel myself struggling less in the ever tightening grip of this place. My head rolls from side to side as this constrictor wraps itself tighter and tighter. I have nothing left in me to fight, I feel as empty as this place I am in. I feel like giving in to this hoping the torment will stop and let me alone and end this suffering that tears at me, rendering me as empty as this world I am trapped in.

Slowly I feel myself slipping into this nothingness I am in, becoming a part of it as much as it was a part of me. My head jerks back as I feel the grip of the coils squeezing the last essence of life from me. No lights now, no sounds taunting me, just an impenetrable darkness that engulfs me completely, filling me as it seeps into my being. Coldness is my only sense now, a cold emptiness that takes up the vacuum where life once was. My eyes close as I feel myself at the doors of my fate and  as they close a piercing point of light penetrates the darkness in my mind. I feel life in it, hope that in this despair I find myself in there is salvation. Something that can deliver me from this hell of emptiness, something that can breathe warmth back into this cold that has filled me. I focus on that small point of light, not thinking of the coils that shackle me to this place. I feel a need in me to travel to that light, I feel it calling to me from far off like a whisper on the wind it comes to me.

“Mahal. Mahal come to me. You're home, please Mahal come to me now.” I feel another tear rolling down my cheek. I feel confused. Is this more torture I must endure? Words taunting me, teasing me into a false hope? “Mahal, please hear me. I am waiting for you as you wanted. Please my Mahal don't do this to me. Come back to me now.” I feel a warmth brush across my face and a softness resting against it. It is coming from the light, the words, the warmth I am feeling now. It brings a strength to me from within to fight this which is holding me in this place. I pull myself towards the light, struggling to free myself from this place of darkness. Slowly I see that point of light grow, broadening and as I feel it shed it's light on me I feel the warmth that it emits. My arms fight to pull themselves free from the coils wrapped tightly around them. I claw at the darkness to pull myself towards the light and and to the life I feel that emits it. “Mahal I'm waiting, please come back to me, please.” The light surrounds me now and I can feel the coils of the dark constrictor that had bound me to the darkness behind loosen their grip and writhe in spasms to pull itself away from the light. The darkness recedes back into the nothingness and gives way to the life the light brings. My fears subside and the loneliness that beat like a struggling heart calms and I can feel the warmth only love can give. The voice is clearer now, no longer a whisper, “Mahal I love you, I love you so very much. Please don't leave me, don't do this to me. I can't live without you.” I can feel a hand now gripping my hand. I can feel the warmth of a breath on my neck and the softness of a kiss. “Please Mahal.”

My eyes opened suddenly, slowly they focused on my surroundings. I was in a room flooded with light and and warmth. I could hear people talking, not in a language I could understand, but happy I could hear them. Then a voice I knew, a voice I hard heard many times over a long distance. “Shh. Dadee doesn't feel well, please keep your voice down Little One. You want dadee to get better?” “Yes momma I want.” came the reply. I turned my head towards the door as she entered, a tear that I knew was mine rolled down my face as her eyes looked at mine. She smiled and in a few steps was beside me, her face lowered to mine, her hand on my chest, “Hello Mahal.” “Hello Love.” I whispered. “How did I get here?” “Oh Mahal, you don't remember?” she asked puzzled. “No I don't remember Mahal.” “The plane Mahal from Manila you were on crashed landing. You were thrown from the plane when it hit the ground.” ”What are you talking about? What plane? What crash?” “Its been almost three weeks you have been in the hospital Mahal. You don't remember anything? Not even coming home?” She looked down at me waiting for me to answer her. I could see the worry in her eyes now. “You're home now Mahal, that's all that's important. No need you remember that time anyway. I just want you better and in good health. The children want you home.” Yes Mahal I know.” She smiled looking down at me, “I bring a Little Monkey with me Mahal, your Little Monkey.” I looked past her and across the room sitting in a chair swinging her feet that couldn't touch the ground watching Dora the Explorer sat my Little Princess. “Little One are you going to hug my neck and give me a kiss?” I asked her. She looked over at me and smiled, “You want dadee?” “Of course I want silly Little Monkey.” “Can I have fried chicken and a donut and a chocolate and a coke?” “Of course you can.” I replied smiling. “Will I hurt your bones?” I looked down at myself, both legs in casts to my waist, my right arm and shoulder in a cast, my head wrapped and bandaged, multiple I. V.s inserted in my left arm and both hands and a back brace. She walked slowly over to me and climbed up on the rails of the hospital bed and wrapped her arms around my neck then kissed my cheek. “I love you dadee.” “I love you too Little One.”

“Mahal you want to rest now?” “No I don't want. I've had enough rest.” “You're weak Mahal, you need to heal. You have many injuries. We will let you rest now.” she reasoned holding my hand. “No Mahal I don't want you to leave, I want you here. It was you that gave me the will to want to see another day. I was in a bad place Mahal and I am afraid if I close my eyes I will go back to it.” “Mahal you're home now and the only place you are going is to #2 Republic St. Little One and I will stay here with you if you want Mahal, you won't be alone.” “No Mahal, I won't be alone ever again.”

She pulled a chair next to the bed and sat next to me and held my hand. “Are you happy now Mahal you're home?” Looking into her eyes I smiled, “I couldn't be happier if it were our wedding day. Mahal I had so many bad dreams, I felt like I was leaving this world, leaving you behind. I was in a very dark place and I felt like I would never escape, like it was holding me there, not letting me escape it's hold on me. I kept feeling tears on my cheeks and whispers floating all around me. I was so afraid and alone their Mahal.” “Those were my tears Mahal, I haven't left you since Ate called me and saw on the news about the plane crash. She called the airlines and gave them your name, they said you had been transported to the hospital. I fetched Little One from school and came fast to you Mahal. Ate take care of Little One at night, but I stayed here with you. I haven't left you. I would hold you Mahal and I cried so much afraid I would lose you. I whisper in your ear not to leave me, to come back to me. I too was afraid Mahal. The doctor even tell me to prepare myself, that you may not live. You were in a coma all these weeks.” “Yes, but I'm here now Mahal and I didn't die. As I said before as you are my destiny, I am your destiny. We were meant to be together and together we will be Mahal, forever and always.” She smiled, tears rolling down her cheeks, “Yes Mahal, always and forever.”

Later...

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

Distant Sands

It had to be in the triple digits, no cloud to mask the sun in the sky to be seen anywhere. The boat, a single hulled small catamaran slowly made it's way across the stretch of placid water headed for my final destination, home or where my new home would be on a small island in the Philippines. The captain apologized for the lack of a shade canvas, he had informed me it had been ripped from it's frame in the last storm that had blown through, but assured me that the trip only took 45 minutes and I wouldn't have to suffer the heat for too long. To be honest, it wasn't the heat that was overbearing, I grew up in Texas where I am accustomed to the heat, it was the humidity that was killing me. Humidity so dense it hurt to breath, I could almost feel it condensing in my lungs with each breath I took. I felt like I was drowning my chest ached so.

I looked around the boat at the passengers, or rather to the capacity of the passengers. This was not a large boat at all. As far as the seating I calculated it would hold at the most 20 people and counting heads, including myself and the captain, there was 41 aboard. That too worried me a little, you could see the water every now and then splash over the gunwale which was only inches above the water. Not only was the boat over crowded with passengers, there was the items they were bringing back to island with them, which added to the weight. The sweat running down my forehead was an intermingling of the heat and the worry I felt thinking that if this boat goes down, I hadn't seen but one life vest and that was being worn by the captain. As my eyes scanned the boat I noticed a sign over head hung from the frame the shade canvas used to be, "The captain is not responsible for lost articles or loss of life. Please be ready to swim in case of an emergency.". I didn't find that very encouraging and started wondering why he hung the sign to begin with.

We were about 30 minutes into our trip from the mainland to the island that I would soon call home when it the distance I could see the faint outline of palm trees, more palm trees than I have ever seen congregated in one place in my life. I tapped the captain on the shoulder and pointed towards the island, he smiled and shook his head and said, "She is there sir. Not long now.". I thought to myself, no, not long now as long as the boat doesn't sink before we get there. I tried to reassure myself that the captain has apparently made this trip many times before successfully, but that too concerned me thinking that all those successful trips had been made on this boat and according to Murphy's law he is about due for the inevitable, I was just praying it wasn't on this trip.

By some miraculous chance of good fortune or the answering to my prayer we slowly glided into the terminal dock where I would disembark and kiss the slab of concrete beneath my feet in a ceremonial jester of gratitude that in our Creator's infinite mercy He delivered me safely here. I told myself Sunday I would be in church to properly give my thanks to Him. As I stood there looking around I felt like I had been taken back in time, at time of no noise pollution that commercialism brings, a time of no air pollution that modernization brings and the lack of stress both bring hand in hand.The people looked happy, heads nodding with a smile and saying "Hai!" as they passed me by heading to and from the boat. They moved with no sense of urgency and no Mad Hatter attitude professing they were late for something or the other. They looked genuinely relaxed and happy. That instantly put me at ease, as I am not the gregarious type, but not a total introvert either, I felt I could settle in and get to know the locals with little effort on my part.

My luggage, all 9 pieces lay around me and I wondered how I was going to get them from where I was standing to where I was going. Looking around me I scanned the area hoping I would see some mode of transportation, a jepney, a cart or even a donkey with a pack rack, but much to my dismay I saw nothing. This was becoming a slight quandary on my part, start hauling as many pieces as I could at one time, hurry back and hope when I returned the luggage I left behind was still waiting on me? Leave it all and search for someone or something to help me convey it to where I was going? I sat down on the largest piece of luggage and started pondering my predicament I was in. As I started thinking as to how I was going to resolve the issue that surrounded me I thought in the distance I could hear kids laughing and singing, I tried to ignore it, but one of those little voices I had heard before or at least it sounded very familiar to me. I tried to block it and get back to my thinking and as to this point hadn't came up with any solutions and still I could hear that voice and it sounded as if it was getting closer. I glanced down at my watch, 11:05 a.m., oh I thought to myself, must be lunch time at school now. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and thought I should have parked myself in the shade of one of the thousands of palm trees that surrounded me. There was that voice again, I looked up just in time to see her turn her head in my direction. She looked startled as she looked in my direction and froze in her tracks as her friends, seeming not to noticed continued on. She slowly turned the rest of her body in the direction she was looking and as if her feet had suddenly turned into two great weights she slowly started placing one foot in front of the other. Her eyes seemed fixed on me and I stood up as she got closer. Slowly, very slowly her paced quickened as she came closer and then she started wiping her eyes, I don't know if it was from tears or the sand that the wind kicked up with each gust. Then her voice, weak and nervous broke the silence, "Papa?". "Ate?", I answered. She dropped her books at that point and she started to run towards me, her arms out, tears flowing down her cheeks and before I could blink I could feel her arms around my neck and her tears soaking through my shirt. "Papa you're home, you didn't forget us, you're home!". "Yes Ate, I am home.", assuring her. She looked about me, "Much luggages papa.". "I know Ate, but where else should my clothes be?", I teased her. "Yes papa, you're right. They belong home.", she answered smiling. "Let me go get kuya and mom. You wait right here papa, I won't be long, just a minute, okay papa?", she said over her shoulder heading towards #2 Republic Street. I smiled answering, "I'm home Ate, I have no where else to go.".

As I watched her run towards home to let the family know I said to myself, "I have no where else to go, I'm home."

Later...


Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

My Wife...My Love...My Life...

You are the reason I wake each morning...knowing you will be in it...


Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

Time and Time Again

I hope I remember how to do this...it has been a long time since I have posted anything my words are a bit rusty. So bear with me as I try and muddle through this thing and hopefully we will come through this unscathed.

Yes as I said it has been a while and a lot of water has passed under the bridge so to say and a few bridges were burnt due to not crossing them any longer, but be that as it may, burnt bridges were never meant to cross again and I don't swim so I will just stand on the bank and watch the remnants float by.

I hope to make it back now a bit more often and see if I can get my brain lubricated enough to grind out a few intelligible words worthy of the few that just happen to stumble upon this page...

Peace be with you...

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

The End of My Journey is Near...

I have written a lot in the past about life's journey and the paths we choose to walk by choice, about fate and destiny, did I know what I was talking about? Concerning myself, yes I was, for another, most likely no. We can only talk of what we have done, the choices we have made over the years and the path we chose to walk. I have made many choices and my paths have changed many times and with each choice I made it took me in a whole different direction, some more appeasing than others. I have met many on here, far more than one would in life. Some have enhanced my life while others were a pall on my life. Those who have enhanced it I will always cherish and hold close, for those who seem to want to castigate me, screw them. They were a waste to begin with and best forgotten.

Now to the "meat" of this post. This past December I had noticed that I had been losing weight, not just a little weight, but shedding pounds like a bilge pump trying to save a sinking ship, so I made an appointment with the doctor to try and find out what was the cause of this unplanned shedding of flesh. I had lost 60 pounds in as many days and my pants were literally falling off of me. My doctor put me through the entire scope of tests. First was the normal xrays, I had to go twice, they found something on my left lung. This concerned the doctor so I was scheduled for a CAT scan and the found a 3mm spot on both lungs and one on my liver measuring the same. The oncologist said there wasn't much need for concern, but wanted a closer look at it, so I was scheduled for a MRI, which fortified his diagnosis that yes, there was something there, but let's take a look at it in another year and see how much or if it has grown. This was not the answer my primary physician wanted to hear, so I was scheduled for a full G.I., endoscope testing, colonoscopy and a very nasty looking probe going where no one has been permitted before. Result still was not what would cause me to lose so much weight. A 5mm ulcer in my stomach, mucus lining gone in a large area, a herniated esophagus and a small mass where your intestines connect to the stomach or the duodenum. Still not what the doctor was looking for, but at least my fears for some terminal cancer dissipated and I thought it was probably just stress, until I realized I live a pretty stress free life. On the 5th of this month I went back to my doctor still confused and wanting an answer. Finally there was one last physical test they could perform before they term it psychological and send you off to get probed in a completely different aspect, it was an EKG. The technician performing the EKG connected his leads to the adhesive posts on my chest, down my left side and my upper left shoulder. He instructed me to breathe normally, no talking or moving. Then he asked, "Are you having any chest pain?", I answered no I didn't. He stopped the test and left the room and me sitting there wondering what his concern was. Soon he reappeared with my doctor who instructed him to run it again. Results were the same. She asked him to leave and sat down in a chair across the room. It was then, with the quietness I started worrying, this is not good news. I was informed that the anterior muscles were not getting enough blood and one section was getting even less. The results of the EKG looked as if I was experiencing a heart attack at that time. But I felt perfectly normal, I was assured I wasn't. My doctor called in a cardiac specialist and made an appointment for me for 03/10/15, 11a.m..This past Friday the cardiologist's office called to confirm and left me with the following instructions, no driving, no walking, except to the restroom, no lifting, not physical work of any kind and stop taking all prescribed and over the counter medications, stay calm and they would see me on the 10th. So much for no stress.

I guess it is time to pay the piper for all I have done in the past, is this Karma or is it fate or was it my destiny all along? Three good questions that I can't answer, but an outcome I will accept. Whether it is due to my past and tenfold is now due or if it is just the normal course I was deigned to walk, I will accept. Do I regret? No. Am I afraid? Yes, who wouldn't be? I will accept it though and deal with it as it comes.

Everyone who knows me, knows I never say goodbye for any reason, goodbye to me is a finality to a situation or to another, that is why I end everything with "Later" rather than goodbye. Will I say goodbye? No I won't. I believe once someone enters your mortal life, you will meet again in your next life, so I say Later.

I blame no one but myself and the choices I have made that has put me where I am now, but even now, knowing this, I would not change a thing I have done or been through. If I did, I wouldn't be who I am today, loved by some and hated by others, but who I am I would never change. I have been blessed and cursed, hurt and healed, lost and found, picked up and discarded, praised and disrespected, but I am who I am and I will always be me.

There is no one I want to say goodbye to, there are those I will say Later to and I feel they each know who they are. Those who have left such an impression on me I could never forget and will always be dear to me. They will always be a part of me and who I am at this moment. To those I hurt and failed to realize it, it was never intentional, to those I hurt for a reason, I offer no apology, for they were out to hurt me. For my transgressors, forgiveness is given, for those I have transgressed on, I ask for your forgiveness and humbly accept my due for it.

Will I miss anything or anyone I leave behind? My grandsons I will miss, but will be waiting on until we are reunited on another plane in life.

Later...

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

Message to Momo

Have I been denied access to your blog?

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.