Declination of Moral Values (A personal opinion)

Yesterday was a very reveling day in several ways and it caused me much thought as to my own personal beliefs of how a child should be raised and how society as a whole thinks discipline should be meted out or how a parent should impart moral values and respect to their child.

As I stood in the checkout line at a local department store I witnessed a young boy in a full blown tantrum as his mother stood helplessly by as the child ranted on screaming and yelling at his mom, cursing, telling her that he hated her, that she was a bad mom and he wished that he had a mother who loved him. I was embarrassed for her not because of what the child was doing, but because of what he was publicly putting her through and the sad thing about it was she really could not do anything about except leave the store. She could not properly discipline him in a public place as the young boy should have been, for if she did she could have faced criminal charges.

I thought back to when I was a child and what would have happened to me for such a display in public. First thing that would have happened is that I would have been pulling myself up from the floor after kissing it and hearing my father telling me that "we" would deal with it further when we got home and I can promise you now not another sound would have issued from my mouth, the punishment had already started. Once reaching home I did not have to be told to go to my room, I already knew from past experiences what was expected of me and my father would take his time in his disciplining, he liked the fact I was thinking about what was coming, what I had brought on myself and thinking about what was coming was his way of reinforcing in me that what I did was no one's fault but my own. When he did enter the room he did not sit and talk to me about what I had done wrong and why I should not have done what I did and that what was fixing to take place was going to hurt him far worse than it was going to hurt me. He knew it was going to hurt me and that point was driven home with every swing of the belt and he was very capable of making his point quite clear without words. The only thing that would be said was when he was leaving the room, "Maybe next time you will remember." It rarely happened again if it happened at all.

I am not saying that everything a child does should not be dealt with by corporal punishment, but I do believe that there comes a time when time outs, corner sitting and the taking away of privileges does not work because the child knows that these will be restored and under such punishment a child will just wait it out or divert their attention to something else. A spanking is not as detrimental on a child as some will lead society to believe and it does have a reinforcing action that there will come a point when a child's actions will warrant such discipline. The sad thing again is that society as a whole has turned away from corporal punishment in the home and that I feel is the decline of imparting on a child what their limitations are and have taken away from the parent this tool of last resort in an effort to "bring home" to their child that sometimes in life their actions will attribute to a more serious form of punishment. There are some children that you can talk to until you are blue in the face, until hell freezes over to try and get a point across to them as to why what they have done was wrong and it will only go in one ear and out the other, children have a most unique way of tuning a parent out and an even greater ability to make their parents think that they realize that through their wise words and sagged advice based on their past experiences that they have seen the error of their ways and learned a very valuable lesson from it. In other words they just told their parents what they wanted to hear when in fact all they were thinking was the would be glad when mom or dad had finished wagging their tongues because it was cutting into their social time.

Who is to blame for this? There are several reasons and each compound the other. I personally think it is due to a parent or parents being too lazy or involved in their own life that they fail to accept the responsibility to be a parent. That some do not realize that children are taught by example in a lot of cases and use the old rule "Do as I say, not as I do." and expecting the child to understand and the last reason is that government has set into place laws dictating what is called discipline and what is considered child abuse and the line defining the difference is very vague. They want you to be responsible parents and raise your child to be an acceptable member of society, but do it in such a way that you cannot discipline them in a physical way. It has become sad when a parent is held responsible for their children's action until they turn 18 and it is the parent that will pay for it until then and take away vital tools that have aided a parent for years in the past. In some states if you are held responsible for our child for a crime they have committed, even though you have no history of it yourself, you will pay the restitution and in some states a parent will suffer public humiliation for what their child has done, either by placing them behind a fenced in place in a spot where there is a lot of traffic or they have it placed in the newspaper where it even reaches a broader audience and in some cases they even broadcast it on the television news.

My daughter used to think I did nothing more than wait for her to screw up just to punish her. She seemed to think I got some kind of thrill inflicting pain on her and seeing her cry. I am not saying that she was the perfect child and I bear the scars all parents do when it comes to their children and I have suffered the threats of school counselors for my strict dicsiplining when my daughter told them I was phsically abusing her. I had no problem telling them that they had for 7 hours a day, I had her the rest of the time and as for determining what dicsipline is to implemented depending on what she did or failed to do would be decided by me. I was reminded at that point that charges could be filed on me based solely on my daughter's words and I could be prosecuted. That was when I looked straight at the counselor and told her if she thought she could do a better job I will sign over my responsibilities to my daughter to her and she could decide what was best for her as well as support her and meet her financial needs. That did not set very well and she let me know she had hundreds of children to deal with daily and that was not a practical solution to the problem I was facing. I told her the only problem I could see was that she had no right in telling me how I should raise my child and if she did something that warranted corporal punishment, then I would see to it that corporal punishment was rendered and not check in with her to see if I was doing the proper thing in the dicsiplining of my daughter. On the other hand my daughter also knows that I will not let anyone unduely harm her or suffer someone else's punishment. This she has witnessed many times and knows I am the first to protect her. As he high school principle learned the hard way when she was expelled from school when two other girls decided to jump on her in the halls between classes as he and other teachers stood by and watched. She saw me and the lengths I would go to to see that she was not harmed and I laid the law down to her principle that day as to how he was going to take responsibility for my daughter and her safety and that I woud hold him personally accountable for an harm that came to her up to and including his position in the school, I guess he thought I was bluffing. He no longer works in the Terrrell ISD. I told Kelly at that time that we all have a price to pay for what we do, and he is no less responsible for his actions than she was and when I discipline her it is not because I enjoy it, but because she has done something that is not considered acceptable or wrong. That there are different levels of discipline and she needed to accept that fact in life and learn to deal with it, because what works for one action may not be a sutible punishment for another and she needs to think about and understand the consequences that are involved before she decides to do something that is concidered unaccpetable.

The goevrment has taken it upon themselves to decide what is acceptable punsihment and was is considered child abuse, a public spanking when warranted can cause you great suffering through the legal system. But if we wait for the legal system to apply the appropriate punishment or as to what they think is appropriate, then a parent has lost the battle at the checkout line and they will never have any recourse in deciding exactly what type of punishment a child deserves for their actions.

Spare the rod and spoil the child...

Later...

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

Chasing Lizards

The other evening I was lying in bed reading a book that I seem not to be able to finish. One of those books that you want to read just to say you have read it, but then as you start reading it becomes more of a challenge to finish it than it does because you enjoy it.

Anyway, I do not have curtains on my window as I never have seen any that look like they belong on a window, so I keep mini blinds up and a bit spartan in appearance. That evening as I was reading, out of the corner of my eye I noticed something dash across the window screen. At first I just thought it was another nocturnal insect my lamp had attracted, but then I saw it again as it dashed back in the direction it had come. I looked out the window and saw a small brown gecko that had been drawn to the window by the insects that were drawn to the light from my lamp. I sat and watched as he stalked his prey and then in a burst of speed ran towards them and capturing them with its sticky tongue. This continued for quite sometime and soon I found myself slipping back to a time when I was much younger and thought of those warm summer late afternoons when the anoles, chameleions and geckos would start to come out to dine and bask in the last rays of the summer day. A time when life seemed so much easier and not wrought with the confussion, chaos and responsibility that defined being an adult. Those care free days when all I had to worry about was what mom would serve for breakfast the next morning. I did not think much past that, as I knew as the day went along it would change as quickly as the minutes faded and a new adventure would present itself. The one thing though that I enjoyed and looked forward to was chasing lizards. Stalking them as stealthly as they stalked their prey, learning to use one hand to distract them and the other to capture them. Lizards had given me many hours of distraction growing up and a chance to learn about something along the way.

I remember once, my younger brother and I were standing on the porch, I was six and he was five at the time, we were watching our older brother chasing after a skink, we called them racing lizards because of the stripes that went the full length of their body. Eventually my older brother triumphed over the lizard as he smiling face had revealed and he walked over to the porch to show us his prize. As he stepped up on the porch he tripped over the middle step and dropped the lizard, this is where the story takes a turn for the worst, well at least for me it did. The lizard froze the moment it landed on the concrete and as my older brother attempted to recapture it the lizard realizing it was free came to its senses and dashed off, the direction in which it ran could have been in any other direction except towards my younger brother who was deathly afraid of them. Well the lizard ran towards my younger brother and upon his foot, paused for a second and decided it would take shelter inside his pants leg, that is when my little brother let out a scream so loud you thought he had lost a limb. My older brother realizing what the lizard had done and the trouble he would be in from my dad decided to vacate his presence and retreat to a quieter spot in the back yard. My dad came diving out the door thinking that my younger brother was seriously injured asking what was wrong. All my younger brother could do was point to his pants and say "Wizard daddy, wizard." Finally my dad realized what he meant and fished the lizard out and threw it across the yard as far as he could and then turned to me and siad "How many times have I told you that you are not supposed to be scaring him?" and as he said this he was slipping off his belt. My younger brother had went into the house and was enjoying a popcicle as I took my older brother's punishment. But I did get my revenge.

A few weeks later I happened upon a garter snake sunning itself on a concrete stepping stone along the front yard garden. I managed to sneak up on it and grab it behind its head and carried it to the garage where I found a large jar that I placed it in and after poking a few air holes in the lid, secured the lid on the jar. That evening as my older brother was taking his bath I took the snake from the jar and placed it under the covers on his bed, slid into my bed across the room and waited. Did you know that even eight year old boys could still wet the bed?

Later...

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

Whispered Word

She came to me in whispered word

To lament to me her sorrow

She said she cried but no one heard

She cried for lost tomorrows

Tears like a river flow

Stains a heart so sweet

Pain that comes and will never go

Two hearts that will never meet

Smiles that will never be seen

Lips that will never kiss

Love that cuts like a blade honed keen

Tomorrows fallen into the dark abyss

A time that is lost for two

An embrace waiting to be filled

Now realized to never come true

A dream lost time has killed

A path walked with no return

No longer by her side

A love given that was spurned

Her face she tried to hide

To conceal the pain in her eyes

The smile that is lost

The hurt from the final goodbye

The heart that it cost

She came to me on whispered word

She came and shed a tear

She came to say no one heard

She came to hide her fear

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

Change of Season

The weather has finally started its change, the almost intolerable heat is abating and giving way to cooler, dryer weather as Autumn makes its presence known. The leaves on the trees have started changing color and shedding their multi-hued yellows, reds, oranges and browns in a dappled carpet beneath the limbs that bore them. There is a crispness to the air and early morning seems to remind me that cooler weather is yet to come.

I took a nice long walk early evening and looked about as people decorated their porches, walkways and front yards with pumpkins, scarecrows, hay shocks and other reminders of the fall season. It is probably my favorite time of the year. The aromas associated with it, the colors that paint and the sounds that narrate it. Looking up to the sky the geese and ducks fly south to their winter homes, squirrels stocking up nuts and seeds for the colder days ahead and song birds filling the branches waiting for the feeders to be filled. A wonderful and magical time of the year as the death of summer lends to life's renewal when spring makes its appearance.

I watched as children played on tire swings suspended from a high limb by a single rope and then jumping off into a pile of freshly raked leaves and scattering them, the wind gusts picking them up and scattering them down the block into neighboring yards. The laugh as they played chase and tag, the leaves scattering at their feet and their parent's smiles as their antics bought back memories of their younger yesterdays.

It seems that all living things sense this special time of the year, even pets seem to enjoy the cooler temperatures, the change in the season seems to bring a change in them.

Yes, I love this wonderful time of the year, this season of change and vibrancy with all it has to offer one's senses.

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

Letting Go

Just how is it we want to be seen or perceived by others? Why do we worry about it and only afterwards do we realize that maybe we let go more of ourselves than we wanted to? Once we have said something or done something it is only afterwards that we think about it. I am one who always speaks my mind, what I am thinking and there is a reason for that. That is because I do not really care what someone else might think or say about me. There are reasons for this and ones that I believe in, a sort of philosophy that I have lived by for many years and it is two fold in what it means. We all have a certain philosophy we try and follow, it may change through out our life as we refine it, but we basically try and adhere to it to a certain extent. Now I follow mine as close as I can and I think I do it more than most claim they live by theirs. So, I do not worry about what others may think or say about me for these two reasons, "I do not break bread with them, in other words I do not sit across the dinner table with them and I do not share a bed with them. It is only those that can claim this that I should worry about how I am seen or perceived. I believe if a lot of others tried this they would find that their life would be a lot less complicated.

So many may say or think that they are liberal in what they think or how others see them, but in fact they do. How does one know this? It is easy, they cannot put things that are said behind them and they worry about what others may think or say. My father taught me a long time ago not to worry about what others say or think about you, only you know the truth about yourself and if you said something in the past that you are ashamed of now, then you should have never of said it in the first place. Regrets are past tense, not the present, even though we all have things we have regretted doing, none the less we did them and dwelling on them is not going to change the fact that it is done, the important thing is that it is behind you now. Nothing that can be changed except not to repeat it.

We are all human and we will all do things and say things that inevitably someone is going to say something about. I do not care who you are or who they are, no matter how close they are to you or not, something is going to be said sooner or later to another and if you find you cannot let it go or put it behind you it is going to be hard to see where you are going in life.

Linda had a wondeful outlook on life, one I appreciated very much, she would wake up in the morning, get dressed and give the world the finger, because to her it just didn't matter. All that mattered to her was what was behind the door of our home. Some might see this as being a bit crass or assholic, but to me it was basically in line with what I believed, she didn't break bread or share a bed with them so it really isn't that important.

I am not saying that we should not develop friendships with others or that we live a hermit's life in some cave. We should all have someone we can talk to and share outside the home. Someone who maybe has an understanding of who you are and can accept that in you and not worry about what is said, because eventually something is going to be said that will test that friendship and it is how you perceive what is said on how you will see the other. If you look to find something wrong, then you are going to find it. I have been quoted and misquoted through out my life, I expect it, because I know it is a fact that someone is going to see or hear what I have written or said the way that they want to and not the way it was meant. We all twist words to make them fit to what we want to see or think, all of us and no one can be excluded from this fact. No one can honestly say they view something with an open mind or that they can be impartial, that is just bullshit. We all go into something whether it is a conversation or reading soemthing that someone has written with a specific belief in what we perceive or think as being acceptable or true. We all have our basic philosophies, beliefs, perceptions and opinions that can and will differ from other's, they may be close to yours, enough so that you can create a compatible relationship, but as far as seeing things exactly as you do, that will not happen.

Just as I know that people will read this and think, "bullshit" and others will think, "I agree", either way to me it is not really that important, what is important to me is what I think, just as what should be important to you is what you think.

Later...

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written consent.

Things Have Changed

I have been suffering an end of summer cold this past week and those can be so uncomfortable, especially at night trying to sleep. Normally when I cannot sleep I read. I have been reading a James Mitchener novel called "Caribbean" and I am over 3/4 through it, but having this cold I cannot seem to focus my mind to read, so I broke one of my taboos and turned on the television. This was the second time I have had it on since having it. Once when the cable man came to hook up cable I got for the grandkids and then again the other night. I again understood why I really do not care that much for television. One thing I did take a special interest in were the commercials and how much they have changed.

Watching one endorsement by a very famous actress, star of "A Fish Called Wanda", "True Lies", "Christmas with the Kranks" and many other movies, she was extolling the virtues of a yogurt product that regulates your bowel movements, this in itself I found hard to understand, but I guess money is money in these hard economic times. What caught my attention though was there was another person, unknown to the public, a virtual anyone exclaiming how wonderful her life is now that she has been eating this wonder yogurt and beneath her was captioned "Real Consumer". I am so happy that they cleared that up, because I never realized that there were fake consumers out there in the stores. Now I have something to do while standing in the checkout line and that is to try and tell the difference between a fake consumer and a real consumer. Wish me luck because I have a feeling it is going to be tricky to try and tell the difference.

Another one that I saw made me laugh quite a bit. It was for erectile dysfunction. Not so much the commercial itself, but the side effects and what to do about it. "If you experience an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, please consult your doctor as this may be signs of a more serious side effect." Now I would think if a man who has had erectile issues could maintain an erection for over 4 hours he would in fact call his doctor to thank him, not complain. Hell, add him to your Christmas card list, make a note on your Palm when his birthday is, send him thank you cards after each time you had sex. But as far as an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, I do not see this as a serious side effect, more like a bonus, a windfall and a wonderful lasting memory. There are men in their 20's that have a problem keeping it up after 2 minutes, "Two Stroke Johnnys" who hit their climax before their partner even realizes he has an erection.

Another that made me laugh were the adult diapers. I know incontinence is nothing to laugh about, but the way that they advertise is. It states they give you the freedom you always wanted. What freedom is that? The freedom to wet your diaper in a public place? We live in a country with more public restrooms than anyplace I have ever been before, most are no more than 2 steps away and no public store, restuarant or any other convienence can bar you from using their restrooms by law. I also wondered if they made adult diaper bags, if not, I think this would be a very viable marketing venture. Also I like the marketing ploy, "Order now and have then delivered to your home, no need to go to the store and be embarrassed." Like your neighbors won't know, "Dear I see that Frank and Marge got their monthly supply of adult diapers delivered." Nah, that is not embarrassing at all, all the neighbors you have lived around 30+ years versus total strangers in a store knowing you wear adult diapers.

Later...

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

Thank You Momo

There are very few you meet on here, (the Internet) that you can honestly say you can trust, but on those rare occasions you do have that fortunate experience to do exactly that. Someone who by their actions and words you know you can trust and confide in them without worry of retribution or to have it be used against you. When you meet someone such as this in life and more so on the net, you come to learn a lot about yourself through them without them judging you. I have met very few in life with such a quality and even fewer on here.

The honesty they exhibit in the advice or in understanding of what one feels they are going through at specific times in their lives comes from their true concern for the other. Like a treasure they open their heart to you to let you know you are not alone and that their are others who care and the pain that you are experiencing is felt by them. As rare as the most precious gem they are and you learn to hold them very dear to you.

What you may learn of yourself through them you will carry through out your life and you will find that you will rethink of the things you had talked about to find understanding and solace when another dark cloud settles in your life and it is that little ray of light that seems to guide through that storm until it has abated and dissipated.

Yes, you meet very few in life with the ability to affect you in a very profound way and even fewer on here, I am happy that I can say without doubt I have met such one and I would like now to thank that person for everything she has done for me without thought of what she was going through in her life at the time. I hope that she will forever be that one I can turn to when needed and I would hope that she knows that I will always be here.

Very few truly understand the meaning of friendship and the entitlements that come with it, very few understand that they are based on a mutal unspoken agreement that no other relationship offers.

If I have done anything to offend or make her feel as if I do not appreciate what she has done for me, I am truly sorry for I cannot imagine a day with sunshine nor can I imagine a day when I would see her not as my friend.

Later...

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

Immortality and the Internet

For eons man has been concerned, worried and thoroughly consumed over the thought of immortality or rather coming to grips understanding it and accepting the fact that they are mortal. Nothing or no one was created to last forever, not in the mortal sense anyway. But none the less that has not stopped man in his endevours to find his own immortality, to find that forever in his life. Why I would think would they want to, it would seem to me that after a while all you would be doing is existing, seeing man's mistakes made over and over again.

Since the beginning of recorded time man has made it a passion to create his own immortality, setting his legacy in history for future generations. This is how we learned of Alexander the Great, Caesar, Cleopatra, the Great Ages of time around the world and their memorable leaders. Scribes recorded, stone masons chiseled in stone, weavers wove into tapestries and painters set to canvas the works and wonders of their age. Immortalizing people and events of their time so that their legacy would live past their mortality.

Is it vain to want to be remembered or to live a life longer than what we have been designed to live? Is it vainity or afraid that one would be forgotten once they have been placed in their eternal resting place? That once the tears stop that they are no longer remembered and thought about and any "unfinished" business will go forever undone? I guess there are as many reasons as there are questions when it comes to life, the fulfillment of it and the ending of it.

The Internet has given everyone that opportunity to immortalize themselves. No one needs to have had performed great or heroic deeds to be recorded for the future and read long after they are gone. It is longer lasting than chiseled stone that erodes with the passing of time and you do not have to travel outside of your own home for it to be read. It has been recorded and saved. It will always be there and as the passing of time goes on, others will either by accident or purpose come across your words and read them and in doing so assures your immortality.

People have taken great advantage of this and are recording their life to the most infinite detail and some to an even greater extent to the point of boredom. But even that will be read by future generations beyond their years. It is the new age artist's new canvas to paint with a pallet of words a picture of such detail that there is no guessing as to what they wanted one to see. It gives everyone that chance man has desired to be able to have their words remembered and securing their legacy in some fashion.

9-11
Today we remember those who were lost to those who do not value life. Those who without cause or reason forfeited their lives because someone else decided that they had the right to end their life. We lend our thoughts to them, husbands, wives, sons and daughters who tragically lost their lives on that day. They will be remembered as heros and heroines, those on which this country and its beliefs now rest in, they are the very foundation on which this country is built on and perserved. To those we lost, we loved and we cherished, Rest in Peace.

After Thought
As I have no other way of finding out why or the reason for it, I will say it on here.

I have said many times there are those that come and go in our lives. Some we are happy to see leave and then there are others that seem to tear your heart out of your chest for they left such an impression on you that they will never be forgotten.

The ostrisizing and banning of someone and shutting them out is like a death. Many ancient tribes considered far worse than death to be thought of as nonexistent. A living death.

Be that as it may, people today have their reasons for what they do to another, most are petty and childish, but then again it sheds light on who they are.

Later...

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

A Life of Color

Looking back at various points in my life this past weekend I got to thinking about several courses I took in high school, yes I can remember back that far. It was my sociology class during my senior year, Ms. McCoy asked us if we had to describe ourselves using a color, what would that color be? I took to thinking about that question and I personally found it insulting of her to ask such a question, it implied the assumption that we see ourselves as monochromatic and without depth. Emotions, yes I could see that as being described as a color, but not a person's life.

I had a week to compose or think of a color that would or could describe me, seven days of trying to figure out how to "color my world" that could best describe the person I am. The harder I thought about this, the more confused I got, because to me each day I could have been seen as a different color. I started to think about other projects due at school and I started to think of an art project I was working on and then it struck me, so I got out my pen and paper and started to write my paper on "If I Was a Color, What Color Would I Be?"

"We do not live a monochromatic life, our world is painted with many colors. Color is what defines our life just as green defines growth, blue defines serenity, red warmth and so on. Why with so much color should we describe ourselves, our life with only one of them? That is a limitation that I cannot see nor would I want to see. We are taught from the time of understanding that our world is full of color and there is a reason for that color and I cannot think of any single one color that I could use to describe myself. I refuse to limit myself in that respect.

Open a box of crayons, are you only limited to one color? Look around you, is the world as black and white as you are led to believe? There is a reason for color and the many hues it offers us in our life. It gives us a chance to associate those colors with many things we see and feel, a visual answer to questions we cannot find the appropriate words to describe. We woud live in such a drab gray world if we led a monochrome life, eventually each color melding together to be this muddy conglomoration of nothing.

I cannot limit my life or a reflection of my life by describing it with only one color."

As I read my paper out loud before the class I kept glancing over at Ms. McCoy waiting for her at any moment to remind me that the work was to be based on describing myself with one color, not a reason to avoid it. But she never said a word. when I finished I placed the paper on her desk for grading, three days letter I looking in my folder to find I had received an A+ on it and a note written beneath it. "It is the challenges that define our life and how we face up to them, Thank you for not limiting yourself to any one single rayon in the box."

Another teacher I thought about was my 11th grade english literature teacher Mr. McClain. He too like to challenge one's thought process. He asked for our final score that we write a paper on how we wanted to be remembered. This would be considered as our final exam. Another one I thought that we should describe how we would think another would see us as. Another agonzing seven days to come up with something I was not really comfortable with.

Much time I spent pondering this question, "how do I want to be remembered?" and just as there are many colors that can describe our life, it came to me. The next day I turned in my answer to Mr. McClain.

"I want to be remembered how I was seen by each, whether it is good or bad by those I touched in life, see me as you saw me, now how I want you to see me. Each will see us different as we touched each differently and the effect we may have had on them or how they preceived us will each be different. Thoughts are as varied as shades to colors, their depth is different, they may be close, but they will never be exactly the same. Would I want to be remembered by something all could agree on? No I would not, I want to be remembered of how they perceived me when our lives shared a little time together."

Well after turning in my paper, I went on to my senior year in high school.

If anyone one of you that read this, could you or would you describe your life with only one color and how would you want to be remembered?

Later...

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.

Behind the 8 Ball

Ever have that ominous feeling that nothing ever seems to go as you planned or hoped that it would? That no matter what you do something inside tells you that inevitably it will go against you? Behind the 8 ball, jinxed, bad luck or bad karma, whatever you want to call it, it is still misfortune. I feel as if I am not behind that 8 ball titled here, rather I am the 8 ball just waiting for the cue ball of fate to come crashing against me and sending my world scattered and bounced off the bumpers that define the perimeter of my life. To end up far away of where I want to be and end up with nothing but regrets. Regrets not because I tried and failed, regrets because of the desired results were not attained.

That dark cloud that seems to gather over my head never dissapates, but seems to draw even more clouds to shadow my path and darken my journey. Still though I persevere in my efforts to try and overcome this delimma that seems to set me back two steps for ever step forward I take.

Maybe some day the fortunes of fate will smile on me once again and I will feel the sun on my face as the dark clouds recede and I will once more stand on the top of life's mountain and feel the breeze that refreshes and give me that sight I have lost. For now I feel as I wander aimlessly and without any real direction on this dark path I have been walking. Nothing feels right, but I see no other path intersecting to take me in another direction that would lead me out of this dismal existence. So I plod on, one step forward and two steps back hoping that one day I will see the end to this foreboding path of life's mistakes.

Maybe I should have done something a little different in the past. Maybe.

Later...

Stories posted here are the exclusive property of the Smiling Pig. No other use or reproduction of the content contained here is permissible without written prior consent.