I had a dream, a wonderful dream...
Of a time so long ago...
No troubles I had it seems...
Nothing to prove or show...
And in this dream that I did dream...
The sun shown bright and warm...
The nights were bathed in soft moon beams...
A time I could find no harm...
Gentle breezes brushed my face...
Cool grass beneath my feet...
Life passed at a gentle pace...
Each day new to greet...
Seasons changed before my eyes...
Colors of autumn displayed...
Leaves being taken to the skies...
Like a visual symphony being played...
Frost on the window of early light...
Snow in drifts so deep...
Patterns of ice to dazzle the sight...
For future dreams I keep...
Green shoots break the melting snow...
Buds on limbs bare leaf of green...
I came full circle in nature's show...
And became a part of it it seems...
I had dream, a dream so serene...
No pain or sorrow I knew...
I stood alone and I did not lean...
My first dream without you...
So many people have I talked with that have read my page, some laugh and tell me I am trying to live out some fantasy, others try and tell me I am holding on to my past. We all deal with life in our own way, I do not criticize or make judgments on how you decide you will deal with yours. My past is nothing more than who I am today. So say what you will it does not matter to me, for in the big picture what you say will have no impact on my life. If I wish to express it for others to see, then that is how I will deal with it. It is a pity that those who criticize in such a negative way cannot express themselves or are too ashamed of their past to let others see.
It is who I am, my past is what has made me, just as yours has made you who you are today.
4 comments:
I read your page often and would like to remind you that the world is full of bloggers. Not all of them write well, not all of them are interesting, not all of them are well presented and not all of them are updated regularly. Not all of them have the same reasons to blog.
But you know what?
It doesn't matter!
What matters is that we who choose to blog for whatever reason, leave a part of ourself online.
I like to blog because my friends like to know what crazy things pass in my mind or what I might be doing. I also find writing therapeutic.
Perhaps just like the book critic who critics the work of authors but is himself unpublished, the 'people you talk to' also are unable to write much beyond "lol", "hi" and "you're an idiot". I don't judge those people harshly, sometimes the simplicities of life can be very appealing and you can bury your head in the sand and allow the 'grown-up' world to pass you by for a while.My advice is don't listen to the negative voices
Blogging can stimulate many needs within us especially our creative sides. Without suggesting innuendo, I like how you expose yourself in your writings! tee hee!
Now onto my critic of your poem
"I had a dream"
Not as insightful as Doctor Martin Luther Kings dream and I'm not even sure it flowed well.
I didn't like it.
I'm not the kind of people we have already mentioned and say "It's s***!" and throw rotting vegetables at you to somehow lead the mob into thinking my own esteem is somehow enhanced by my utterance of two words
Criticism isn't worth a damn unless it is constructive.
I didn't like i because it seems forced. It looks like you have the two words the end line one and line two of each stanza and then look for the rhymes for the end words of line three and line four ... and then, looking for the fill to make each line seem like a sentence.
It looks forced.
It does not look like what you really want to say.
English has a rich descriptiveness and its a crime to force a rhyme.
How well such words are read
How well such words are felt
I cannot see what you saw
my eyes close against tears
yet my heart soars over cloud
the freedom of the skies hold me
spellbound
and I feel a gentle tremble
as the leaf on the autumn tree
your words reach up to me and touch me
My tomorrow will change
Because of what you said today.
None of that rhymes
But its a very simple little poem I make as I comment here.
It is without rules and allows me to describe freely what I wish to say.
Perhaps reading selected works and learning of the recognised standards would help. Knowing what is recognised helps us to find the unrecognised.
Just my ten yen!
Love
Momo
PS: Your poem didn't suck that much and I liked the positive aspects that seemed to be the underlying message within it!
Express yourself!
Wow you got three jazzy comments haha
Where you end with "or are too ashamed of their past to let others see."
As I inferred in one of my blogs (Save them), one of the greatest secrets of charisma is not only to be friendly and open to show your strengths, but also your weakness. It makes you more human and readily identifiable to others.
No matter how we may hide it, we all have vulnerabilities.
Pity some low class seem to want to use that as some kind of lever but in essence, while they point their finger your way, they hope it prevents people looking at them with critical eye.
No one is without fault, no matter how wonderful they paint themselves.
Not many of us can admit it.
You know it is like anything else in life, I don't expect everyone to like it, appreciate it or even understand it. Very few writers are understood, yes we may be able to relate to them or to what they have written, but unless they tell us personally, we don't really understand the real meaning behind what they write. Which to me is the crux of writing, not to understand why the author wrote it, but maybe to gain a little insight into ourselves. A reason that I read yours, not only to get another glimpse into your world, but maybe gain something from it too.
We all have a reason why we write, some just because they enjoy it, some because they feel compelled to get something off their chest and others because they are gifted. I write for the first two reasons, so maybe you are right, some of it is forced, but that is a habit more than an ability.
Being schooled in western literature one is taught when you "create" (for a better choice of words as I feel I have a limited vocabulary)they should in some aspects rhyme in order to continue the flow. My first introduction to a poem that did not rhyme was talking to Asians and reading Asian poetry, where it was the feelings that you were expressing that maintained the flow of the words.
Do I feel upset or bad that you did not like it? No, not really, did I appreciate your criticism? Yes I did, more than you will ever know. For without it how does one grow? We can placated by many with words that stroke the ego and make us feel better, but that is like pouring honey on sugar. I would rather see something honest that points out to me, you can do better.
I have learned one thing about people who point fingers, it is best to beat them at their own game, so I always point my finger at myself first. Seems to leave them with nothing to say.
All in all Momo, I do appreciate that you do read my blog and that you leave comments and constructive criticism. It is your honesty and your delightful candor that I enjoy. Not a lot of people out there like that. Most live in a world of black and white, but it is nice to see a rainbow too.
Later...
Ron
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