Wo Xiang Ni...

I walk alone in yesterday and think of the paths I have taken. Where they led me to as each day passed into the next. Of ones that have shared these paths and ones that have left an impression on me. In quiet contemplation as I silently shuffle through memories like leaves at my feet, she still comes to me. It seems I live in an apparition, an ethereal world where she comes like a vaporous mist. And as the poems I have written, her name comes in the wind to me and still it settles gently on my ear.

Am I that obvious? It seems no matter who I talk to they can see, sense it. It seems as though no matter how I try and mask it, it is seen. This hollow smile that I wear, this empty laugh I laugh only reminds me and is no defense against the memories that seem to cloud the present and brings into sharp focus the past. I speak of no tomorrows now, for it is in these memories my tomorrows are at.

No longer can I look at a rose in bloom or watch the sun break the horizon as it heralds a new day, once again the memories come rushing in and I am reminded of yesterday. Memories like leaves that are scattered before the wind, blown in every direction as I hurry to gather them up so I at least have these.

This loneliness that befriends me now offers no comfort when these memories come creeping in. No warmth can it give or solace for the pain I feel. This memory I cannot escape, it is in everything. A song that was shared only tortures me and reminds me that I am alone in these moments of quiet despair. An unshared cup of tea, an unshared thought speak to me through memories as I caress a face that is not there.

As you can see my heart is worn on my sleeve, but today the memories came flooding back, the rising sun played upon a rose today...

Wo Xiang Ni...