What's in a Dream?

I guess to a certain extent we all dream. Some we remember and some we don't, for the most part I would imagine, most we don't. I t said that the majority of the dreams we have concern what we have already gone through that day or in the past. Very few dreams are about personal dreams or wishes. We often dream of someone in our lives, but normally when we do it is about something we are going through or have already been through with them. I guess dreams are really nothing more than a repeat episodes of our lives for the most part. The subconscious syndication of our lives so to say. Albeit the audience is limited.

Most dreams I just shrug off and forget, that is if I happen to remember them. For the most part by the time I have had my second cup of coffee in the morning I could not tell you what it was I dreamed about the previous night. Just as well, my mind is cluttered enough. But there are those dreams that seem to stick with you, ones that you cannot forget even though you wished you could. For the past few months I have had a reoccurring dream that I wished I could forget. It really does not require any special interpretation, I feel it is quite explanatory in itself. Or maybe I just think it is, it could mean something different altogether.

It starts off in darkness, I know it is strange for a dream to start this way, but this is how it starts. As I stand there trying to get an idea of where it is I am at, a very faint light penetrates this blackness I am in and I start to focus on it. It doesn't get any closer to me, but it's intensity grows. Not enough to light up where I am at, just enough to hold my attention. I start to focus on this point of light I see and it is as if I am being pulled through it. I cannot feel my legs moving as if I am walking towards it, rather being pulled towards it. It seems forever before I can start to make out a shape, but it turns out to be a face that is emitting this light. As I get close enough to distinguish who it is, I realize it is her. She looks sad and I can see a single tear rolling down her cheek. I am puzzled as to why she would be so sad, after all we are in love and I am thinking to myself she should be happy and the tear I see should be one of joy, not a reflection of the anguish her face portrays. My immediate instinct is to pull her to me, to hold her and hope that this she is feeling will leave her, but as I reach for her, she seems to pull back or float just out of my reach. As she does so I can see her face contort as if in agony and pain. I can feel it tearing at my heart, my chest constricts and the air thickens to the point I cannot breath and I feel as if I am suffocating. She holds her hands out to me on outstretched arms and I can see the pleading in her face, yet as I reach for her hands to again try and pull her to me, she is pulled away from me. I am racked with pain at this point, my body seems to constrict and spasm as I desperately try to reach and hold on to her. Her lips part as if she is going to say something, nothing but a cold breeze issues out and it chills me. I can see the frost of her breath envelope my head and I feel as if I am in a fog. Her arms still out stretched, her expression is begging me to come to her. The tear that I see rolling down her cheek has now turned to ice, frozen. Our fingertips just touch and I feel myself violently jerks back from her. This time it was not her that was pulled away, but rather me. I could feel cold hands on my shoulder pulling hard at me and I struggle to free myself from them to go to her. I can feel the struggle as I pull against what is holding me, pulling me away from her. Finally I can feel her hands in mine as he pulls at me, but yet that which is holding me tightens it's grip and doubles it's efforts to pull me back. I can feel the coldness in her touch as I hold on tightly to her hands pulling myself to her. The struggle continues as I try and free myself from that which is pulling at me. The light she is emitting seems to start to dim and I can feel her grip weakening, but yet I continue to struggle...

I have been having this dream quite frequently lately and when I wake from it I feel weak and I am shaky. I feel so alone at that point all I want is to hear her voice. The reassurance I feel in it. I look around it is dark and slowly I sink back into my pillow waiting for the dawn to break over the horizon and free me from the night.

Later...