Merry Ho! Ho!

Again we find ourselves at the time of the year. Close to the ending of this one and a time we find ourselves reminiscing over the past year, new acquaintances, an old friendship, lost loves and family. Those things that we either hold close to us or those that managed to leave an impression on us, gave us reason to think and maybe shed light in an area dark before.

So to all those out there, friends, lovers and foes I wish you are yours a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year may this past season have given you each all that you wanted and to a few a little more than you deserved. Happy, mad, glad or sad we each managed to touch someone this past year and whether it spawned hate or love at least we managed to touch someone.

So are we ever really truly alone at this time of the year? Of course not, because somewhere out there is someone who only in their infinite minds holds the reason why she/he is either missing you so terribly she/he went through a dozen D Cells or wishing that you could contract some venereal cyber-clap, but at least, you managed to touch someone. Be that it was in a darkened room only lit by the luminescent glow of the computer's screen or in some loud crowded chat room, it started with those magical three letters, asl. Three little letters that led you both down that cyber-path of pseudo reality and an ecstasy only you can give yourself. At least you touched somebody, even if was only yourself.

There were some that came along that left more than impression, they embossed themselves in our thoughts and shared in enjoyable greetings when out paths crossed. It is those who indelibly imprint themselves upon us we find we have made a good friend and it is in those we find ourselves migrating to. Those who just by being who they are, as best you can on here, they have a way of giving you that reassurance that it is only the net and it is gone when you walk away. Those who portray a good heart and not ashamed of their convictions are people worthy of note and another gem stumbled upon amongst the stones.

Then there are those who you have known for some time, one of those you find yourself turning to when things are weighing a bit too heavy and knowing them that no matter how many times you turn to them, they are there with a smile and an offering based in wisdom sewn in experience. It is to these I turn to and humbly thank for never being too busy or time to precious that you could not spare a few moments with a lending ear and an open heart. Those who made long nights bearable and had a way of distracting you away from what you were feeling and those special ones who would walk you through your feelings.

So now is the time to hold no bitterness or angst in your heart, this is a time for rebirth and letting old business go. Time to shuffle through the clutter of the past year and decide what is truly important. In life we can only give of ourselves and it is that in us that we find we are of any worth when those close to us can turn to us and still see the other there. We hate so easily and we never learn to let go, never learned the best offense is no defense at all. We should know how we are seen, that is how we are accepted by those we share a keenness to, those we share company with, those we let see of ourselves more than most, these are who we should be thinking about and being thankful they are in our lives instead of holding something in you that only serves one's self and letting it eat away at what little happiness is left. Let go, it is only baggage from the past and nothing you should be dragging through life.

When we were little the world and life held so many possibilities for us, we could be anything we wanted and rarely did we harbor any hatred for anyone or anything outside of broccoli, carrots and beets, but we always managed to find a friend in someone we felt a kinship with. Think of these and those around you now and be thankful they entered your life and with some, thankful they stayed. In life we learn many lessons, even from those that think less of us than others, but is the connection with those you are close to that makes us more receptive as to what we learn or our willingness to learn. Hate comes with closed eyes, blind to truth and ignorant of acceptance and we need to let it go. Hate builds barriers, sets boundaries, causes wars and kills people, hate is no racist, but racism is its ally and it is this you have to drag through life with you day after day and constantly adding to it. The burden weighs heavy with each new day and the only one who really suffers for it are not the recipients of this hate, but the one who harbors it. Is it not enough in life that we bear the burdens we do out of no choice of our own without someone adding to it when all they have to do is let it go, let life open a new world, one much lighter and shed of that luggage that weighed every step they took. When young we do not see these things in our life, it was too full of other things to understand hate and our dislike always seemed to fade with every laugh. Children learn to hate and we are the teachers they turn to for guidance and reassurance and it is through our example that we will teach them. Do they really want them to grow up with the same bigotries, prejudices, ignorance and hate, is that the example we want our progeny to pass on to their children? Planting and replanting those seeds for no other reason than someone couldn't let go.

So all my friends or foes I leave with you:

So this I give to you, whether friend or foe
A very Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year
Share in the warmth of friends and let the hate go
Enjoy in a rebirth and shed your old fear
It is the time of giving of laughter and joy
A time for repentance and shed a small tear
A time set aside to think and reminisce
To lend of yourself to family and friends
Think of others and not of yourself
Do not be complacent, this you need tend
Know life is short but see through a child

Have a very Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year!

Momo: I hope that you and Hitomi have a very Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year! May the spirit of the season lighten your life as you share in the season with loved ones and friends.

April: Merry Christmas to you and a very Happy New Year and a prosperous Chinese New Year! Wherever you are, you are in thoughts of those who miss you.

Ami: I hope Santa is extra special to you. You have a Wonderful Holiday Season and stay safe and warm. You just about wore our your daughter's fuzzy Power Puff blanket.

$unday: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I hope you enjoyed your first snow. I know it was a special day for you and the enthusiasm in which you expressed was truly genuine. Firsts are always fun, you may not like it a second time around, but at least it is not left on your list of things to do.

Stinky: I am very proud of you and your graduation from the university, even though you drove me crazy on the thesis. Have a very Merry Holiday Season. Now go put it to use.

Sparrow: Flighty One, may you spread this season's joy and good will through every room on swift wing. Merry Christmas Sparrow and a very Happy New Year.

Later...

Aluminum Christmas

I can remember my mom and dad walking through the front door, Tye, Texas, Christmas of 1963. Mom's hands were full of bags from Montgomery Wards, J.C. Penny and Sears & Roebuck's and in dad's arms was a very long rectangular box with a picture of a tree stamped on the side like a bad lithograph, then setting it on the floor gave his orders to finish with the unloading of the car. Now normally this particular order would be received in a less than enthusiastic demeanor, because normally it was just to unload groceries, but these once a year trips were a little different and we fought each other to get out the door first. You never know, something or some gift could have accidentally fallen out of one of the bags and if it was yours then you had some insight as to what you could expect Christmas morning and if it wasn't yours and the recipient wasn't present, well then you knew how their Christmas morning would go, plus, yes there was even a bonus with this kind of find, it garnered a favor when you knew something they were getting and they wanted to know and these were the kind you did not waste on just anything. These kinds of favors had tremendous barter value, so taking out the trash or picking up a mess, even when it wasn't entirely yours to begin with were not considered as an even trade or a measurable favor and these were things that through the Christmas season you wanted to do yourself, especially if your parents personally witnessed it in its process. "Darn, look at this trash again, you'd think no one ever took it out. Well its not my turn to do it, but I see that the one who supposed to be doing it isn't, so I will just do it myself." There, a triple header, three birds with one stone, I get credit for doing a chore I am not responsible for that week, throwing one of my brothers in the fire and still retain my bartering piece. Some Christmases were made to remember. Anyway back to the story. Racing out to the car, stiff arming to gain a better position to grab a door handle we commenced unloading the sacks and racing back to the house so we could do it all over again. With nothing found in the car we all stood in the middle of the living room staring at 12 large white Montgomery Wards department store shopping bags. It was as if we were all struck instantly with the same exact epiphany, they always mix up putting stuff in the bags! For all we knew in one of those twelve shopping bags could be one of our presents, all at the same time lunged for the sacks like they were the last fried chicken leg on the platter. Torn paper flying we ripped through each and every sack only to find that they were filled with little boxes of blue glass Christmas ball ornaments, neatly nestled six to a box, 24 boxes, 144 solid blue glass Christmas ornaments, a box of silver wire ornament hangers, 36 feet of blue and silver tinsel garland, 50 silver and blue glitter snowflakes and one large box containing some sort of floor lamp with a four color rotating lens. Not one stray, missed sacked toy in the lot.

When my parents re-entered the room they asked if we wanted to put up the tree, the first thing my younger brother asked was, "What tree?" We all looked at each other, the tree, they did not bring home the tree and this was the day traditionally it was bought home, albeit the date varied from year to year, the day they did their gift shopping they bought home the tree, but this year they seemed to have overlooked that one small detail. My parents were still standing there with that "I know something you don't know." smirk, if they only knew that they grew out of that years ago and they were only fooling themselves if they thought that was going to work outside of it normal usage, between siblings. Again it was my younger brother who took action, this guy's attention span was about as big as his bladder so you wanted to try and keep him occupied as much as possible or he would be standing in a puddle before too long. He runs back out to car jumping up and down trying to get a look on the top of the car and then running around to the trunk to see if he could see pieces of branches sticking out, he turned to look at the front door and the frown on his face told us they had forgotten the tree.

"You boys get in the house, it is freezing out here." came my mom's voice as she turned back into the house. Again we found ourselves standing in the middle of the living room looking around trying to figure out what we were going to decorate. Dad walked over to the large rectangular box and pulled out the big copper staples and then carefully cut the tape, once the box was opened and the flaps pulled back to expose its contents, which didn't shed any light as to what was in the box, we were still just as befuddled and confused as we were when it had dawned on us there was no tree. One of the thoughts crossing my mind at the time was maybe they decided to spend the money they saved on not buying a tree on extra presents. That thought soon passed though because whatever was in the box was what they had spent any extra money on they may have saved. Layers of wax covered paper tubes were in the box and one by one my dad took out each tube and from the ends you could see shiny silver slivers. Once all the tubes were out of the box my dad lifted out what looked to be the base and three wood stakes with holes drilled the entire length and circumference. Finally, the instructions, or as we called them, the idiot papers. Those little stick figure directions that are just numbered boxes, front and back, top to bottom with no indication of where to start. As we watched dad reading the assembly instructions, page being turned in circles, turned upside down and sideways and then being the true man he is wadded it up in a tight ball, threw it in our general direction and said, "You know where to file it."

Landing near our feet we just thumped to the next standing by us until it got to my youngest brother who just knocked under the couch, that dimensional space that like a black hole seem to gobble up everything or at least was a good place to get rid of something. This space held special meaning to my younger brother, when he sat on the couch or laid down on it he would not let his legs or hands hang off of it, thanks to my next older brother who would lay down on the floor in front of the couch pretending to retrieve something and then act like something had grabbed him and was trying to pull him in. He would lay there thrashing about, pretending to try and pull his arm away. If I were in the room at the same time, he would not try this, seems every time he did my drink would usually spill all over him for some reason.

So, as we sat on the couch and watched dad try and figure out how exactly this thing he bought home was assembled my younger brother slid off the couch and walked over to the pole with the holes that dad had figured out how to insert into the base. There was stenciling on the poles, top, middle and bottom and thanks to my younger brother our dad realized that too, so muttering under his breath he rearranged the poles in their proper order and then set about looking at the silver tinsel branches. Again it was my younger brother who had been watching said, "Dad, why do the little holes have colored dots?" Dad looked at him out of the corner of his eye, "So you know what sequence to put...the...branches...on." Epiphany number two for the day. Dad looked at the ends of the branches only to discover that they too had a dot of color on them, "Don't you boys have something better to do than to just sit there like three lumps on a log?" came his self irritable question. It is hard to be one upped by a 7 year old and take it. So with that we walked down the hall and pressed our ears to mom and dad's bedroom door to see if we could hear the crinkling sound of wrapping paper and the zip of scotch tape. Definite indicators that mom was wrapping presents. She tended to do this as soon as she got home, she was always worried we would tear the house up when they weren't there trying to find them and for the sake of me I never understood why she would think the angels she raised would do such a thing. We already knew how to use heat from a candle to soften the adhesive on the tape, peel it back and see what was under the wrapping. There was no need to ransack the house looking for them. With our ears pressed firmly against the door in elevated steps, when mom opened the door holding her first arm load of Christmas presents all wrapped and decorated the three of us spilled into the room each yelling at the other in an attempt to point blames as to why we were at the door, "He pushed me, it wasn't my fault!" or "I was just going to the restroom when they pushed me in the door." then "It was his idea and I told him we shouldn't do it." We had found if we could confuse them from the beginning, then corporal punishment was only used as a threat and not delivered, so we tried to keep them confused as much as possible.

Running back into the living room we saw that without our help dad had managed to assemble the tree, which truly amazed us. "Were the directions easy to understand?" mom asked him. "Uh, yeah, not hard to understand at all." he replied. To me it was ugly, it didn't represent Christmas to me at all. A tall silver aluminum pile shaped into a likeness of a tree. Silver! Not even green, no pine scent, no sticky hands putting it in its stand. "Well you boys ready to help decorate it?" mom asked smiling. My two brothers quickly jumped up and each grabbed a box of ornaments and stood next to the tree. We had specific areas of the tree assigned to us, my younger brother was the lower branches, I was the middle branches and my older brother was the top branches. "Ronald Edward aren't you going to help?" mom asked. "No, I have some homework I need to do, I forgot about it." I answered as I walked off down the hall to my room.

Closing the bedroom door behind me I lay on the bed thinking of how they had ruined Christmas with that awful attempt of a tree. To me it just wasn't Christmas without a green tree, the tree was the focal point of the holiday season and how could someone ever think that a shiny aluminum Christmas tree could ever take the place of that? What would my friends think when they saw it? "What Ron, your parents too lazy to get a real tree?" Too bad recycling wasn't an option back then, because I thought that was were it belonged. To me it was one of those things you tried, didn't like and ended up in the office of the landfill the following Christmas. How could they do this to me? How could they try and replace something as important as a real Christmas tree with a boxed aluminum one? Parents, made you wonder if they ever really thought things through thoroughly before they did something. After almost two hours of some very serious sulking I pulled myself from the bed and walked back into the living room, there it stood, the anti-tree of Christmas all decorated with blue and silver ornaments slowly turning in its base, the lighted wheel throwing blue, green, amber and red on the shiny glimmering tinsel branches. "Humph, no lights on it at all, no bubbling lights, no strings of lights and not even the ornaments I grew up with on the branches. They have ruined Christmas for me, debased it, made a mockery out of everything I hold dear at that time of the year. From the kitchen I could smell chocolate, homemade Hershey's fudge. I wandered into the kitchen, dragging my feet and sighing, my way of letting them know something was amiss. "Want the spoon?" mom asked. At least this hasn't changed I thought to myself. I sat there licking the spoon and enjoying it when dad came in the kitchen. "Get your homework finished?" "Yes sir." I replied trying to sound as if all the details of Christmas that were important only concerned me. "Want to help me string the lights outside?" he asked. "What lights? We never had any outside lights." I answered looking up at him. "The lights we normally put on the tree, we can use those around the front windows and door. I could use some help." he continued. I drug myself out of the chair and followed him out to garage, dragging my feet and sighing all the way.

Standing on the front porch I held the string of lights while dad on a ladder stapled them to the window frame, he was talking, I really don't know what he said, my thoughts had wandered off to previous Christmases as I stared at the string of lights I was holding. I guess he noticed it too, because he jerked on the string of lights letting me know he wanted some slack to continue stapling them. "What is wrong with you today? Where is your mind at?" he asked looking down from that ladder. "Dunno, this just doesn't feel like Christmas to me." I answered him still staring at the lights. I didn't even noticed he had climbed down from the ladder.

"Come over here and sit."

"Why doesn't it feel like Christmas?"

"Just doesn't, that's all."

"What is it that you think is wrong?"

"That tree you bought home."

"The tree?"

"Yes the tree, it is fake, not real. Not the green tree we always had. It is not Christmas dad."

"You think it is the tree that makes Christmas?"

"It is a part of what makes Christmas."

"You think it is an important part?"

"Yes I do. That is not real dad, Christmas should be real."

"What is it about the tree that takes that away from you?"

"It is fake dad. It is aluminum, it is silver. Christmas trees are green and smell like Christmas."

"Ronnie, let me tell you something and then maybe you will understand. Christmas isn't in the tree, it just helps to represent Christmas, a symbol of Christmas. It does not make Christmas, it does not take away from Christmas having this tree. There are no rules but one about Christmas Ronnie, only one. It is not about Santa, receiving presents, having a real tree, none of these things make Christmas. Those are just decorations we use to illustrate Christmas. The only rule for Christmas is keeping an open heart, a forgiving heart, an accepting heart, to be happy you have your family with you and to count your blessing that we are still together. To be thankful for what we have, not be envious of others and to give of yourself with out expecting something in return. That is Christmas. That is what makes Christmas real, not the tree you worry about needlessly."

"That is what you always tell us, that that is the way we should always be."

"Yes, every day you should act like it is Christmas if you look at it that way, we only celebrate it at this time of the year. Now lets finish with the lights, its getting late."

It was Christmas eve, I had went to bed early that night. Not in anticipation of Christmas morning, I just couldn't get that tree out of my mind. I pulled myself out of bed and walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. I could see the multicolored changing glow coming from the living room. "That tree." I sighed. I sat in my dad's chair facing the tree and looked at it as it rotated in its base, the color wheel changing the color, its light being reflected on the ceiling and walls. I just stared for the longest as I thought about what my dad had said a few days earlier. It really wasn't that ugly, just new I thought. Dad always said never be to harsh to judge something new, to give it a chance that you never know how it will turn out. Okay I thought, I will give this thing a chance and anyway with the money they will be saving on future Christmases maybe the benefit of this tree will show up in more presents. Stay positive.

Again, Later...

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